225. Quaff ON! Brewing Co. (Nashville, IN) - Pineapple QTFO!

“Quaff ON!’s Pineapple QTFO! adds a twist of pineapple to our smooth-drinking IPA, enhancing and blending seamlessly with the tropical hop aroma.”

Today was our first foray back into the world of dine-in restaurant service, and we wound up at the Big Woods in Speedway; unfortunately, we were seated directly in the sun, and I had a little bit of trouble concentrating on the beer while my forearms were cooking. Noticeable shot of pineapple up front, and a smooth, dry finish.

Originally posted on June 14, 2020

TAKE TWO (December 25, 2022): This beer not only needs to warm up, it also needs to breathe. If you popped one open, took a sip immediately, and then ate a cracker and took a second sip of the same beer that had been poured into a mug and allowed to sit for five minutes, you might think you were tasting two different beers. Right out of the bottle, I get a shot of bitterness up front that almost completely masks the pineapple flavor; but boy-howdy...once it's been poured and allowed to sit for a few minutes, there's nice, ripe pineapple and papaya up front, and a dry finish that's just perky enough to make me want to say, "Good afternoon!" There are plenty of Big Woods restaurants, but not enough (read: any, at least in counties other than Brown) places where Quaff ON! beer is the focus—and I am at a loss to explain that, because their food is only mediocre (at best), while their beer is really, really good. They don't seem to do much of the fancy stuff anymore, which is unfortunate (and if it's a function of opening too many new restaurants, then it's definitely time for them to hit the brakes and come to a better understanding of where their strengths lie—hint: the answer is neither fish nor chips); but I would dearly love to have a place nearby where I could go to try more varieties of their beer on a more regular basis.

510. Upland Brewing Co. (Bloomington, IN) - Bourbon Barrel Teddy Bear Kisses W/ Cacao & Hazelnut

“You guys like Nutella?! Well, brace yourself [sic], Hazelnut TBK is coming. The delicious flavors of chocolate and hazelnut are the inspiration for this beer. The rich chocolaty, roasty coffee, and molasses flavors that combine with the oaky, bourbon, and vanilla flavors of barrel aging are complimented [sic] by the subtle hazelnut to make a delicious treat. As is our custom with most variants, the hazelnut is present but not overpowering, allowing the barrel aged beer to be the forefront. Reminiscent of flavored coffee, Nut Goodies, or chocolaty Nutella, it’s a treat for your mouth. Special processes and special ingredients used: Boiled for 3 hours to increase gravity as well as caramelize sugars. Molasses and dry malt extract are added to the boil to increase gravity as well. Aged on Cholaca, a liquefied cacao nib product. After aging 4 weeks we transfer the beer into Willett bourbon barrels and age for 7 months and recirculated [sic] with hazelnut extract.”

The first sip is mostly alcohol, and it leads you directly to the strong flavor from the bourbon barrel. There’s a little bit of sweetness in there to round it out, but any other flavors that might be present are almost entirely buried in this disappointing bait and switch. They’re there, but they’re in the weeds—far to the east of subtle. (And if you can separate the molasses from the bourbon barrel, you’re a better beer taster than I am.) The alcohol is so strong (11% ABV) that it even overpowers their bad writing.

Deep Thoughts #303

Georgia did well to re-elect Senator Warnock; but Herschel Walker got over a million votes. There are way too many stupid fucking Georgians.

508. Black Dog Brewing Company (Mooresville, IN) - That’s So Metal

“Raise your hands, brothers and sisters in Metal! You are about to partake in a divine gift from the Metal Gods! One sip of this Coffee Milk Stout will have you banging your head and rockin’ all night long. Smooth roastiness combined with deep coffee flavors from Strange Brew’s Robot Rampage blend is what sets this beer apart. We toast you, Metal Head. Now go forth and rock!”

Um. Yeah…you know what, I’m going to continue being charitable and not comment on the writing. Unfortunately, all I have left to comment on is the beer, and this one is unremarkable. It’s…you know…a coffee milk stout. The coffee flavor is there, but the lactose is a little heavy. It’s a bit thick and sticky, and those are not words that should apply to beer. But it’s not bad. I’m not actually sure what the hell is going on here.

507. Bare Hands Brewery (Granger, IN) - Thai.P.A.

“Thai.P.A., an experimental IPA brewed with thai [sic] spices has been in high demand since it’s [sic] masterful creation in 2010. We added thai [sic] palm-sugar, lemon grass [sic], kaffir lime leaf, and galangal (thai [sic] ginger) late in the boil to create a citrusy ale with a spiced finish. Thai spices mingle with Columbus and Cascade Hops to create a unique balance. American 2-row barley and crystal malts combine for a crisp, dry finish.”

I don’t remember where I had this for the first time—it was either from a can I got at Parti-Pak, or on tap while waiting for takeout at Thaitanium on Mass Ave. Wherever it was, I loved it. The lemongrass and galangal were subtle but evident up front, and that was enough to make it lovely. (I don’t recall much else about the first one I tried.) The one I had today was also good, but less impressive. I didn’t get lemongrass up front this time—but it did creep up there on the back end. No galangal, and nothing else of note, so definitely not the experience I had the first time. But not bad at all.

509. Sun King (Indianapolis, IN) - Scout Badge

“Scout Badge is a Porter brewed with Samoa Cookies for flavors of chocolate, caramel, and coconut.”

The only redeeming thing about the fact that Jackson’s choir rehearsals this season are in the middle of Sunday afternoon is that we frequently wind up at Twenty Tap for lunch. This place has great food and a great tap list, but more important, it’s also a place that Amy genuinely likes. Very few places check all three of those boxes. We had lunch there today, and I was only part of the way down the tap list when I saw Thai.P.A. from Bare Hands, which I haven’t had in forever and have apparently not remarked upon, either. I had already ordered that one when I got to the bottom of the tap list and saw this one. I don’t even have words for how much I love Samoas cookies. I’ve seen the ice cream with Samoas in it at the grocery store, but somehow the thought of combining two nutritional nightmares like ice cream and Samoas is a bridge too far for me. But beer brewed with Samoas? Oh. Hell. Yeah. Did I mention it was on nitro? I could smell it even before I took the first sip, and it was exactly right. The taste was exactly right, too. It’s liquid Samoas Girl Scout cookies in a glass. It would be wonderful even if it wasn’t on nitro, but with the nitro, it’s like drinking a beer and getting a smooth, creamy hug at the same time. One of the best Sun King beers I’ve ever tried.

Deep Thoughts #302

I would add a Why Todd Rokita Sucks label to the blog, but people who don’t already know that probably can’t read and wouldn’t learn anyway.

Deep Thoughts #301

Anyone with half a brain knows that Todd Rokita is a right-wing piece of shit. Now the rest of the world knows that he is a lawbreaker, too.

506. BrewDog (Columbus, OH) - It’s a Beaut

“We’ve teamed up with National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation to bring you It’s a Beaut Pecan & Toffee Stout. At 7.5%, this rich and decadent stout combines sweet toffee flavors, roasted cacao and hints of vanilla. It may not be the gift that keeps on giving the whole year, but we can guarantee that your 6-pack won’t arrive meowing. Cheers!”

For a second there, I thought I was pouring used motor oil. This beer is dark as fuck. It’s also very well balanced. Not sure I would have pulled pecan out of the hat if I hadn’t known it was there, but it does have a nutty echo to it—which blends very well with the chocolate malt. The vanilla is very round and smooth on the back end. I’m going to have seek out more of these…way too much going on here to remark on just one of them. But lovely. Still not sure where I stand on BrewDog and their maybe-politics…but these cats can brew some fucking beer, for damn sure.

505. Scarlet Lane Brewing Company (McCordsville, IN) - Claudette

“Northwest Pale Ale featuring Luminosa from Indie Hops of Oregon (bright notes of peach-mango, papaya, and guava) and Strata (melon and passionfruit).”

Bitter finish and muddled flavors at first…dank notes more so than bright notes, I think…but they open up as the beer warms. The bitter finish holds, but gets smoother. Another aggressive yet unimpressive IPA from Scarlet Lane.

504. Stone Brewing (Escondido, CA) - Hazy IPA

“Stone Hazy IPA comes in at an easy 6.7% and less bitter than our other IPAs, but still blooming with bold, juicy flavors. This amazingly hazy IPA features El Dorado and Azacca hops which bring tons of citrus & fruit elements while intense Sabro hops highlight the big, tropical notes of this beer. The result of this unique hop combination is a groovy, juicy citrus bomb with tons of orange, lemon, melon, mango and pineapple flavors & aromas.”

They must have used some kind of mystery hops for the description, because it says nothing about how they ginned up the hyperbole. Do you really want to bring that much different fruit into one beer? You might as well call it a Fruit Cocktail IPA. Not bad, but not remotely interesting.

503. Scarlet Lane Brewing Company (McCordsville, IN) - Sunflowers for Your Grave

“Kölsch with a Wheat Malt Base, Sunflower Seeds, Dill and Sea Salt. This Beer is Representing the Resilient Badass Woman Who Offered Sunflowers to the Russian Soldier; Now a Strong Symbol for the Brave Ukranian People.”

Jackson’s choir schedule this season has precluded us from eating at Scarlet Lane on Sunday afternoons as often as we would like, but I’ve kept up with them on the interwebs, and things have changed a bit since the last time. They seem to have parted ways with Chef Erin Kem, who is now to be found in the kitchen at Landlocked Baking Company, right here in Irvington; and they have changed the menus at both this location and the one at 46th and College to pizza from Beech Grove Pizza Company (whose main website links back to Scarlet Lane’s). I have only anedcotal evidence to support the idea that this was not an amicable split between Erin Kem and Eilise Lane, Scarlet Lane’s owner and head brewer. The food isn’t going to be anywhere near as interesting as it was when Chef Erin was at the helm, and though I really hope that doesn’t change the way I feel about this place (which will always sort of be Cannon Ball to me), I kind of get the feeling that it will.

But enough of the gossip shit. On to the beer. This one was on the menu awhile back, and I really liked the sound of it—but we managed to miss it somehow. It also wasn’t on the website when I checked the menu this morning before we left, so I was very pleasantly surprised to see it on the paper menu when we got there. I don’t keep track of the different flavors I have tried in beers, but I don’t recall ever seeing dill listed in the description of a beer before I saw this one; and I would sort of like to have tasted it, but, alas, none of the flavors stand out. I don’t even taste the saltiness that you sometimes taste in a gose that advertises its salt. There might have been a faint hint of dill on the back end, but it’s just as likely that it was there because I wanted it to be as because it actually was. Not bad, though—it’s one of those beers that you keep sipping because you hope that one of those flavors will finally rear up its ugly head.

502. Black Acre Brewing Company (Indianapolis, IN) - Smoky Kuloski

“Smoked Grodziskie with carmel [sic].”

That’s the description from the menu board in the taproom. I can’t find anything online for it, even on Untappd—possibly because they just tapped it this week, and I don’t recall that they’ve ever brewed this beer before. They’ve done smoked beers on many occasions, but the name Smoky Kuloski doesn’t ring a bell, and I don’t have any smoked beers from Black Acre on my list. This is also my first Grodziskie, which the interwebs tell me is a Polish beer with pronounced smoke flavor and aroma, high carbonation, and low alcohol. The Black Acre version subverts this model somewhat, with low carbonation and moderate alcohol (6.7% ABV)—along with that caramel, though I don’t get any specific flavor of caramel. It does have a very smooth, almost creamy, finish, though, and I suspect that might be what the caramel is bringing to the table. There’s something vaguely fruity up front in the first sip or two—to the point that the first sip of the first one I tried made me think that the bartender had poured their orange hibiscus cream ale by mistake; and the smoky flavor doesn’t jump out at you. But then you get to the second sip…and the third; and that’s when the smoky flavor begins to declare itself. The aforementioned something fruity lingers just a touch on the back end, for what is either balance or misdirection—I can’t decide. This is one of the best new things I have tried at Black Acre in a long time.

501. Big Lug Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) - Wooden Tooth

“George Washington once said: ‘It’s better to offer no IPA, than a bad one’…well maybe he said excuse and not IPA, but it does the trick. This IPA is hopper [sic][?] with Amarillo, Simcoe, Mosaic, and Cascade providing waves of hop goodness. Much like George, we wouldn’t lie to you about an IPA.”

Um.

Actually, you know what? Are you fucking kidding me? Who the fuck are they getting to do this writing, and why the fuck did they not insist that this person have even the semblance of a rudimentary education? It’s fucking awful when the description of the beer makes you not even want to drink the fucking thing. And of course I’ve already poured the motherfucker. There’s some papaya in there, but just because papaya makes me think of eating fresh papaya that I literally picked off the fucking tree in Honduras three years and change ago doesn’t make me like this literary abortion any more. (Not that beer should be literary; it occurred to me the second I wrote that last sentence that someone might infer such an idea. Beer need not be literary, and neither should the descriptions be; but those descriptions should at least resemble competent writing. That is not the case here.) I’m kind of on the fence here; I still haven’t tried anything from Big Lug that I have really liked, and their Sahm’s restaurants are uninteresting bar-and-grill places I would only recommend to a starving person; but as must be obvious by the fact that I have made it past 500 beers that I have tried, my mind is pretty fucking open. (That’s also the best way to get cured of being a Republican; you open your mind, you let some light in, you try to forget the stupid shit your ignorant, fuck-dumb parents tried to teach you.) And it appears that I am just in a bad fucking mood. On my fucking birthday. And if you don’t believe I actually picked the fucking papaya, then fuck you; but if you still don’t believe it, then here’s a fucking picture.

Airline pilots are afraid to fly into the the airport in Tegus. How ya like them fuckin’ apples?

500. New Belgium Brewing Company (Fort Collins, CO) - Voodoo Ranger Voodoo Vice

“Bursting with neon-bright citrus flavors, Voodoo Vice is vying to be the next Voodoo Ranger rotating IPA.”

This one stuck out to me, and that is not usually the case with the Voodoo Ranger series—which is reminiscent of the Craft Brew Doodle Crew series from Indiana City, only not as good. (Voodoo Ranger is AAA ball, the International League; Craft Brew Doodle Crew is The Show.) I taste a hint of orange up front that reminds me of drinkng orange Kool-Aid when I was a kid (and yes, from time to time as an adult), and that makes this version a little more interesting than some of the others I have tried. (At least at first. When it warms up, that hint of Kool-Aid gives way to a more generalized fruit flavor that could maybe be described as pineapple. This does not inspire nostalgia, but it ain’t bad.)

499. Black Dog Brewing Company (Mooresville, IN) - Copper Beams

“Copper Beams has a bright and fluffy effervescence with a tropical nose that hints at citrus fruit flavors with a bit of spice on the back end.”

Not sure I get the spice at the end, but we shall see how it warms up. It’s definitely (and quite pleasantly) tropical up front, with strong hints of papaya and lighter hints of pineapple. It’s got a lovely haze to it that contributes to the illusion of a thickish mouthfeel that almost makes you think it’s sweet—though it’s not. These cats are basically just down the road, and how the hell have I not had their beer before now? There might be a bit of a citrus shine on the back end when it warms up, but if you can pull that out of the tropical haze, you’re better at this than I am.

498. Sun King (Indianapolis, IN) - Electric Reindeer

“Electric Reindeer is a Brown Ale brewed with ginger and molasses for Newfields’ Winterlights.”

Gingerbread in a glass, even if the glass has already hosted two different kinds of IPAs today. Can’t decide where I am on these cats, but at least they got the comma for Newfields in the right place. (And if you didn’t already know, the only thing you can do with a bachelor’s in English is criticize the bad writing of other people. You give credit where credit is due, but most of the time it’s not warranted; most of the time these monkeys keep their phones pressed to their elephant ears while they cross three lanes of traffic to turn left while running the yellow light at the last fucking second without bothering to signal to the drivers they’re pissing off behind them. And you’re not even off Emerson Avenue yet. You hope they die in a fire three blocks away, but it almost never happens.) And it’s excellent gingerbread in a glass.

497. Black Acre Brewing Company (Indianapolis, IN) - Pumpkin Thief

“This pumpkin ale is brewed with 60 lbs of pumpkin per 3 barrel batch and plenty of pumpkin pie spice. Hooray fall!”

I’ve tried this on more than one occasion, but have apparently not remarked upon it; and seems like this is the year for remarking upon it, since I seem to have developed a taste for pumpkin beers just in the last couple of months. I had quite the shitty day at work yesterday—we lost power at 2:30, and it still had not come back on when we finally called it a day and left at 7:30—and thought about stopping at Black Acre on my way home; but I also thought about just going home, crawling under the covers, and going the fuck to sleep. In the end, though, I decided to stop for two beers and an hour of writing. (Had it not been November, however—National Novel Writing Month—I might well have skipped it and just gone home and to sleep.) I’m glad I didn’t, and not just because I got about 1300 words while I was sitting there; I also got a pint of Pumpkin Thief that tasted almost exactly like pumpkin pie in a glass. It had the perfect balance of spice and pumpkin flavors, and a very smooth (but not sweet) finish. They’ve had Pumpkin Thief on the board for a couple of weeks now, and this was not the first time I tried it this season; but this was the best pint of it I’ve had so far this year.

496. Black Acre Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) - The Hottest Day

The best I can come up with for a description of this collaboration with Guggman Haus Brewing Co. is that it’s an “imperial cold IPA.” They’ve had it on the board for a while at Black Acre, but it clocks in at 9.4% ABV, and I’m not big on beers that are that big when I have to drive home—even when it ain’t far. On the other hand, it’s only an eight-ounce pour, and the writing was going surprisingly well the other night, so I decided to splurge, if you will. “Cold IPA” is still new to me, so I don’t know exactly what to expect. Some quick perusing of the interwebs makes it sound like this is a style that uses lager-brewing techniques to craft an ale that has the hop-forward flavor and high alcohol you’d expect with an IPA, but in an easier-drinking format. This one did seem to be oddly drinkable, despite the fact that it’s 9.4%, and that the alcohol is very noticeable up front. Once you get past that initial hit of booze, though, you wind up with very nice hints of vanilla bean and herbal, fresh cut grass on the back end. You can’t smoke inside anymore, but, since the Loft is open again, this would be a great beer to linger over there—sipping it out of snifters and discussing it over cigars.

495. Black Circle Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) - The Stranger

“Sweet, vanilla, herbal, silky.”

Also noted as a “sasparilla porter” on the website. Amy and I stopped by the Black Circle artisan market this past Sunday by sheer dumb luck. We had a little bit of time to kill before we picked up Jackson from choir practice at Butler, we had stopped at the Meijer at 56th and Keystone for some groceries, and we had just turned down Erie Street for 49th Street when I saw the tent awnings set up in Beer Creek. It turned out to be auspicious on multiple levels: Amy found a hippie-ish dress she could wear to school for Halloween; I talked to one of the head honchos at Black Circle and found out that their former head brewer, who used to work at the theatre, is now working at Amelia’s in Fletcher Place and is doing well; and I got to try a beer that is apparently a collaboration between the former brewer and the new brewer. This is another one that tastes to me like it lands somewhere between a brown ale and a porter: dark color, light mouthfeel, and just a hint of sasparilla flavor. Didn’t bowl me over in any way, but it wasn’t bad.

494. Wiseacre Brewing Co. (Memphis, TN) - Puffel

“At the dawn of Pangea and off the coast of the coast of an Archipelago that included Madagascar, New Zealand, and the Faroe Islands when reached by a ferry through a mystical portal to the center of earth you’d wind up in the upside down where Puffins, Pengwolfs and Porcas dominated air, land and sea. The temperature was always tropical winter with long sunny days and pillowy clouds of floof. Puffel hearkens this yesteryear of a supercontinent long forgotten with its cloudy cover, New Zealand bred Nelson Sauvin hops which bring cool climate white wine grape flavors, extreme fruitiness, passionfruit, and fresh crushed gooseberries. But beware! Hungry like the Pengwolf…it packs a deceptively potent punch.”

Um. And of course you know where I’m going to start; it’s the kind of writing that is so bad I’m glad I didn’t read it before I tried the beer. If I had never heard of Wiseacre and were trying to decide whether to try them based on the writing describing this beer, I would pass; and that would be unfortunate, both because this is a fine beer and because Wiseacre is a solid brewery. Fortunately, all I saw was the listing on the menu at Jockamo last week. I tried a different beer that day and didn’t get back to this one, but I found it at Total Wine when I was in search of something else. It’s a little too busy with fruit for me to single out anything specific—though this is not necessarily a bad thing. The high alcohol (9.0% ABV) adds a little bit of sharpness, but at the end of the day, this is a can of fruit cocktail; it ain’t bad, and it serves the purpose—but it should have been better, especially considering how good the other two Wiseacre beers I’ve tried have been.

493. Voodoo Brewing Co. (Meadville, PA) - Wynona’s Big Brown Ale

“Wynona’s Big Brown Ale is our big American Brown Ale. Generous amounts of Brown Malt coupled with our house yeast result in a robust and smooth ale with just enough bitterness to balance it out with a malty-rich backbone with notes of coffee, chocolate, and toffee.”

I’m not big on brown ales, but my buddy Shane knows more about beer than anyone else I know, and he loves them. Sometimes he blogs about them, and now and then those blog posts get my attention. (Yes, blogs still exist, and they are often still relevant; stop Tik-Tok-ing in the food court bathroom, you skanky ho-bag.) I went out in search of more of that Great Lakes Nosferatu from the other day, but Stoney’s doesn’t have it. They did, however, have this one; and yes, I bought it just because of the name. (And if it doesn’t mean anything to you…well, then I can’t help you.)

Actually, that’s not true; I can help you. LISTEN TO SOME FUCKING PRIMUS.

But back to the beer. It’s pleasantly boozy at 7.5%, and I get all three of the flavors they advertise on the website. It’s practically a porter, but I’m going to stick with brown ale so I can recommend it to Shane. The musical reference is excellent, the can art is excellent, and the beer is excellent. I could give a frog’s fat ass what they call it.

492. Garfield Brewery (Indianapolis, IN) - Garfield of Screams

“Fall is in the air which means our pumpkin ale is back on the board! A malty amber base with pureed [sic] pumpkin and spices make this beer THE fall beer.”

I’ve been wanting to try this place on the south side for a long time now, but we never seem to get down there. I was pleasantly surprised to find that they were one of the breweries set up with a tent in the parking lot of the corporate-coffee-chain-that-burns-its-beans-and-pretends-to-serve-quality-coffee during today’s Irvington Halloween Festival Street Fair. I could have done without the cinnamon sugar on the rim of the clear plastic Solo cup, but the beer was otherwise fine. More pumpkin than spice, but surprisingly flavorful for a 5.0% ABV brew, and very nice to walk around with.

491. Falls City Beer (Louisville, KY) - Ottofest

No description apart from the designation of being named after their original brewer, so we shall proceed with what I know about the Märzen style—which ain’t much; usually the words “malty” and “bready” come to mind, though there is not a whole lot going on up front here. There is a little bit of a yeasty aroma, and…okay, something of a bready taste. What’s more interesting to me is the very light hint of brown sugar on the back end. The scent and flavor of yeast take over by the end, though—to the point that it almost tastes like I’m drinking a ball of raw pizza dough. It doesn’t do anything to convert me to Märzen-ism (I seem to be on a pumpkin ale kick this fall), but it’s interesting enough to make me want to try another of its ilk—and that will happen tomorrow during my writing hour at Black Acre on my way home from work.

490. Great Lakes Brewing Co. (Cleveland, OH) - Nosferatu® Imperial Red IPA

“Don’t be afraid of things that go hop in the night! Rich roasted malt flavors haunt the shadows of our Imperial Red IPA’a bitter teeth.”

There’s a little bit of caramel-y malt flavor up front, and possibly a bit of spice, too. Then it fades into a dry finish that lingers sort of humorously as it tries to decide whether to be bitter or not. As it warms up, a little bit of ripe papaya starts to dance with the caramel-y malt flavor. This is the third Great Lakes brew I have tried, and when I go back to look at what I thought of the other two, I find that I mentioned papaya both times. I suspect that this cannot be a coincidence. It doesn’t remotely taste or drink like an imperial (which might be because it’s only 8.0% ABV, which is at the low end for an imperial), and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. This is one of the most interesting and complex beers I have tried in a long time—and it was a gift from by buddy Shane. Thanks, man.

489. Shipyard Brewing Company (Portland, ME) - Smashed Pumpkin

“A big-bodied beer with a pleasing aroma of pumpkin and nutmeg. Pale Ale, Wheat, and Light Munich malts combine with the natural tannin in pumpkin and the delicate spiciness of Saphir and Hallertau Hops to balance the sweetness of the fruit.”

Yes, and apparently I am more into pumpkin ales this year than I ever have been before. This one is exactly what it claims to be—a bigger and bolder version of its Pumpkinhead cousin. Remember when we were kids back in 1988 and everyone said Pumpkinhead was the scariest horror movie ever? Remember going to Phar-Mor way the hell out almost to fucking Cumberland and getting like three videos for a buck or whatever? And remember how Pumpkinhead wasn’t remotely scary? Yeah…that pissed me off. But you know what? I get to watch The Shining on the big screen, all by myself, after I get off work on Tuesday. I’ll have to kill an hour at, hopefully, Loom before I can come back and start the movie…but that’s one of the few perks of working at a movie theatre: I can come and go as I please, and watch whatever I want whenever I want. Oh…and the beer. It’s big and spicy—no, spiced—but it’s a bit much. Something between the two would be the shit.

488. BrewDog (Columbus, OH) - Fellowship

“For our latest collaboration, we’ve joined forces with one of the most legendary sagas of good vs. evil, The Lord of the Rings. Fellowship IPA: the one IPA to rule them all. This 5% Hazy IPA storms the gate with notes of pineapple, stone-fruit, mango and a touch of tangerine. Brewed with oats and wheat and left unfiltered for a smooth, juicy hit that’ll drive your tastebuds mad.”

Saw this on my buddy Shane’s Odyssey of Hops, and he was kind enough to gift me a can of it. I would like to have liked it more. The Lord of the Rings is probably my favorite novel (a close second would be Atlas Shrugged, which will prolly surprise those of you who know how ultra-liberal I am), and you would think that something like this would be right up my alley, but it’s too light. It’s also not nearly as busy as it claims to be; there is some fruit in there, and it’s just fine—but I don’t get anything specific. Not at all bad—but not at all interesting, either.

487. Tröegs Brewing Company (Hershey, PA) - Lucky Holler

“We taste: Tropical pineapple, citrus, passionfruit.”

Okay. I taste orange zest and a breathy whiff of alcohol up front. It was served very cold at the barbecue place we ate at in Logan, Ohio, on Monday night. I seem to recall liking it, but I’ve slept since then.

486. Brewery 33 (Logan, OH) - Army Angel

No description on the website or on Untappd, though the Untappd entry says 6.7% ABV and the can says 6.0% ABV. I get some very light melon flavors up front and a bit of a citrus shine on the back end. We went camping earlier this week in the Hocking Hills region of ultra-Trumpy rural southeast Ohio, and I got to try this place for the second time—though I did not get the chance, as I had hoped, of walking over to the brewery from our campground and writing for an hour while I drank two beers. I had to settle for one four-pack of carry-out tallboys when I walked over there the first day just to see if it was, in fact, walkable. This one is pretty good, though. Not a lot of flavor, but very smooth. I’ll be back to try something new before too long. We loved Hocking Hills the first time, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that it did not disappoint the second time—was, in fact, even better, despite being, as I said, in an ultra-rural part of the world where signs of evolution are few and far between.

485. Masthead Brewing Co. (Cleveland, OH) - Haunted Hayride Pumpkin Ale

“Our house pumpkin ale is brewed with pumpkin, cinnamon, nutmeg and ginger.”

There’s some of that spice up front, and it’s accentuated a little bit by a whiff of the moderate alcohol (7.3%); but I don’t get much in the way of pumpkin. I was hoping for some bold flavors to go with that intriguing booziness, but it wasn’t bad.

484. Shipyard Brewing Company (Portland, ME) - Pumpkinhead Ale

“Pumpkinhead is a crisp, refreshing wheat ale with delightful aromatics and subtle spice flavor. To celebrate the fall season, we enhance the pumpkin flavor with a proprietary blend of spices including cinnamon and nutmeg. A proper pint of Pumpkinhead is served in a pint glass rimmed with sugar and cinnamon and often accompanied by a shot of spiced rum or vanilla vodka.”

This one I tried at American Smokehouse Stadium yesterday evening after Amy and I racked up 16,000 steps hiking in the two state parks near Jeffersonville (Falls of the Ohio and Charlestown), and though they did have it on tap and served it in a pint glass, no other parts of that last sentence were offered—and I’m not sure that they would have added anything to the experience; the beer was just fine on its own. It had a nice balance of light pumpkin flavor up front and nice spice notes on the back end. It also had fairly low carbonation (or just wasn’t pouring very well yesterday). The website advertises versions called Smashed Pumpkin (9.0%) and Smashed Pumpkin Bourbon Barrel Aged (10.5%), both of which sound lovely. The regular Pumpkinhead is delightful, but at 4.5%, it’s just a little too light.

483. Moody Tongue Brewing Company (Chicgo, IL) - Sliced Nectarine IPA

“The inspiration for the Sliced Nectarine IPA came in the form of a summer farmers market and the abundance of fresh fruits and produce. The resulting IPA showcases a bright tropical aroma of stone fruits that balances the grapefruit acidity of the Chinook hops. The beer’s crisp profile refreshes and delights taste-buds and craves pairings such as slow-roasted pork shoulder or a slice of warm peach pie.”

I’m a sucker for nectarine, so when I saw this on the tap list at a place called Harbor & Hops near the hotel where we stayed in Jeffersonville the last couple of days, I was sure I would try it if we wound up there. Alas, both the beer and the restaurant were disappointing. The beer is very light and smooth, with maybe a faint nectarine flavor up front and more of a general stone fruit character on the back end. I didn’t read the description until just now, but I would not have guessed that it had any kind of grapefruit flavor. Most of the beers at the restaurant were overpriced, but this one, at $9 for a pint, was especially so. Fortunately, both the beer and restaurant choices were better on day two. You shall hear.

482. Traders Brewing Company (Indianapolis, IN) - 1st Team All Juicy

“Hazy Pale ale flavored and dry hopped with Citra hops and infused with citrus.”

Oh, yes indeed. It’s grapefruity and piney up front, with a mild, dry finish; and that by itself would be enough to make it a winner, but that’s not all it’s going to do for you. As it warms, the bright flavor of orange zest begins to rise, and there might even be a little hint of peach at the end. Absolutely spectacular. My brother-in-law loves this place and talks it up to me all the time, but it’s way the hell across town for me and I never had the chance to stop in until last weekend, in the space between when I got off work and when I had to be at Zionsville High School for Jackson’s choir concert. The taproom is kind of hard to find and not especially homey—but this is the kind of beer that could make someone want to drive all the way across town.

481. Traders Brewing Company (Indianapolis, IN) - Pumpkin Ale 22’

“Seasonal ale brewed with lactose, cinnamon, nutmeg, and all spice [sic].”

The pumpkin and spice flavors are very light, and the lactose makes the whole thing very smooth—but not sweet. Those light spice flavors linger as the beer warms, but the subtle taste of pumpkin fades. It’s not bad, but it’s not great, either.

480. Brew Link Brewing Company (Plainfield, IN) - Ivory

“A white what??? This award winning white stout is a mind blowing ale that looks like a blonde ale yet has all of the flavors from a stout. Chocolate, vanilla and coffee along with oats are added through the brewing process allowing it to stand up to any stout around!”

Okay…but the copy on the taproom menu says, “Golden stout AKA mind f%$k stout with chocolate, vanilla and coffee. Think Tootsie Roll in a glass.” I was headed for another of their IPAs for my second beer when I double-checked the menu and saw the bit about Tootsie Roll in a glass. Not sure I would have gotten there on my own, but I like to read the descriptions and have an idea of what I’m getting into when I try a new beer. The coffee flavor is very faint, if it’s even there; but the chocolate is moderately strong up front right after it’s poured. The longer it sits, the more the vanilla comes to the fore. The balance and complexity are impressive.

479. Brew Link Brewing Company (Plainfield, IN) - Cropduster

“American IPA featuring some dank experimental Solero, Helios and Altus hops.”

I took my mom to a doctor’s appointment this afternoon out at the IU-Riley complex, and I had some time to kill, so I stopped in at the Indianapolis outpost of Plainfield’s Brew Link Brewing Company, near Walnut and Capitol, where Two Deep Brewing lived before they folded. I am apparently too lazy today to look up those three hops, so I’m just going to guess that they impart traditional “hop” flavor, along with some light pine and citrus. The finish is pleasantly bitter when it’s cold, and drifts more toward dry as it warms. It’s clean, crisp, and very pleasant, with the kind of flavor and body profile I would love to find in a session, and almost never do.

Deep Thoughts #300

Samuel Alito is also piece of shit; but at least the cunt who married him has the sense to keep her ignorant right-wing mouth the fuck shut.

Deep Thoughts #299

Clarence Thomas is a piece of shit. You married him. Why the fuck should anyone with a brain ever believe anything you have ever said since?

478. Indiana City Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) Kickoff Peach Blueberry

“Hazy Pale Ale featuring whirlpool and double dry hop additions of Citra and Azacca hops and fruited with real peach and blueberry.”

Which appears to differ from the original Kickoff mostly because of the peach and blueberry. There is a small hint of ripe fruit flavor up front, of both peach and blueberry when it’s cold and drifting toward more prevalent peach as it warms—but you’re not going to remember either of them because of the gut punch of bitter, not just on the back end, but about halfway down the throat. I won’t go quite so far as saying it’s bad, but it’s too bitter for me—and that, I believe, is saying something. It takes away from what is otherwise an interesting beer—richer, fruitier, and more full-bodied than the original Kickoff. (It should perhaps be noted that these are my first impressions from a cold beer out of the can. Could be a whole different ball game when I pour one into the mug.)

Upon further review, it is not a whole different ball game. It’s even worse when I pour it into a mug, and this is because I can see it. The first one I poured into the mug was almost all blueberry purée—and it was thick. I had to pour it out. The next one wasn’t quite as bad, but still had a good bit of sludge at the bottom of the can. I don’t know if the picture is going to do it justice or not, but when it’s poured into a mug, it looks like bad chocolate milk. I’m hoping this is just a bad batch (and bad luck for me, at $15.99 for four tallboys), but if it’s not, and this is the way it’s supposed to be—then this is the worst beer I have ever had the misfortune to drink.

Note: I actually sent them an email to let them know that a bad batch might be out there. Should they reply with anything that might have bearing on what I have said here, I shall update my remarks.

477. Wiseacre Brewing Co. (Memphis, TN) - Gotta Get Up to Get Down

“Magical natural process beans from the Konga region of Ethiopia lead the way in this beautiful coffee stout. This rare variety of coffee leads to aromas of sweet roastiness and flavors of blueberry pie. Lactose, or milk sugar, is added along with oats for a silky medium body and a lush finish. Red Bull and vodka done the long way for old men, not teenagers.”

And I didn’t even know about the blueberry pie or the oats when I bought it—though whether it’s the lactose or the oats that makes it so smooth, I don’t know. What’s interesting is the interplay between the blueberry pie and the coffee—though I have to be honest and say that if the website description had not said blueberry pie, I would not have gotten there myself. I can taste it, though—both the ripe blueberries and the bready crust. The coffee flavor is mild, floating somewhere in the background and providing balance for the sweetness. The combination of the two is remarkable. This is the best new beer I’ve tried in a long time.

476. Wiseacre Brewing Co. (Memphis, TN) - Bow Echo

“When you’ve reached your all time low, you need a parking lot veggie burrito and the warm snuggle of a stranger’s husky (probably named Stash), the winds of change may find this beer landing in your hand. A vigorous dry hopping with Mosaic, Citra, Denali, and Centennial hops add tons of citrus and ripe tropical fruit flavor while oats add the fluffy texture. It may look strange, but they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder (if you’re an IPA traditionalist we recommend closing them). However, you won’t regret trying this clouded up version. Your vision may be blurry from staring into life’s bowl of horseshoes or within the thought sausage of unintelligible words inside a glowing book of sleepless dreams, but Bow Echo will help your eyes climb to safety and the chilly water will take care of the rest.”

There’s a lot of fruit flavor going on here, and most of it—papaya, coconut, and maybe a hint of lemon—is ephemeral; but a nice touch of peach lingers pleasantly on the back end. You’d think there would be some pine, or traditional “hop” flavor, with Mosaic and Centennial in the mix, but neither is present. The weather geek in me wants to like this beer because of its name—a bow echo is a Doppler radar signature that indicates a complex of severe thunderstorms that have been pushed out into the shape of a bow by the strength of the wind behind them—but that ain’t sufficient for a thumbs-up. The 7% ABV is fine, and the dry finish that I begin to detect halfway through the third beer is also fine; but I don’t want to have to drink three of something in order to find out if it’s working for me. I want something to impress me enough on the first that I want to have the second. (It’s also entirely possible that I’m picking at nits just because that description from their website is both fucking stupid and bad writing.) This beer does not impress me, but it’s not bad.

475. Sun King (Indianapolis, IN) - All Them Llamas

“All Them Llamas is an IPA brewed with experimental hops for notes of peach, sweet melon, and apricot.”

And we’re back to the familiar world of meh offerings from Sun King. Very light flavors—all of which are so mashed up that this should be the beer they serve at Rock Sugar concerts—and a smooth finish, but nothing that makes you want to look up from what you were already doing and take note.

474. Sun King (Indianapolis, IN) - Surf Lessons

“Surf Lessons is an IPA brewed with Sabro Hops for notes of tangerine, coconut, and pineapple.”

The individual flavors have a little more space to work with here, with a hint of coconut and a broader citrus flavor that could certainly be tangerine but isn’t as specific as the coconut. Both obscure any taste of pineapple, but that’s a difficult flavor to achieve with the kind of clarity necessary for you to be sure that it’s there. That said, its complexities are more evident than the ones in Turtle Thunder, and it apparently doesn’t make me feel like I need launch into a screed about the disappointing way that Sun King only ever seems to package its least interesting beers. It also hits the IPA ABV sweet spot, which for me is anything that begins with the numeral 7. (In this case, it’s 7.8%.) Anything under 7% too often feels like it’s not serious—or, worse, like it’s aiming for a session, which way too often turns out to be uninteresting for all kinds of other reasons—and anything over 7% makes me uncomfortable about drinking two in one go. And now, all of that said too, I’m still not sure I like it; but it ain’t bad.

473. Sun King (Indianapolis, IN) - Turtle Thunder

“Turtle Thunder is an IPA brewed with a blend of Southern Hemisphere Hops for notes of tropical fruit, citrus, and stone fruit.”

I taste a whole mash-up of things, and none of them really stand out, except for a bit of citrus at the end; but even that is non-specific. I get that local breweries make hella more money when you come in and tip a couple in the taproom, but there has to be a happy medium—especially a place with as wide a reach as Sun King. I know I harp on this whenever I post something from Sun King, but they have the resources. Black Circle does not. Kismetic Beer Company does not. Indiana City does not. Even Black Acre does not, though they have been around nearly as long as Sun King and produce at least as wide a range of beer as Sun King (if not the volume—as far as square footage for brewing in Indianapolis goes, Sun King is so far out in front that it doesn’t even matter who comes in second). You could maybe argue that Daredevil and Quaff ON! have the square footage and resources, but they are also much more focused in terms of what they produce. Pound for pound, based solely on what they package, Taxman beats every brewery I’ve mentioned here to hell and gone—and even they don’t package nearly all of what they produce. With Sun King, you get variations on IPAs and cream ale (neither of which are ever very interesting); they can do better than that, and they should—espcially for those of us in Marion County.

Deep Thoughts #298

I hope that every fucktard human being who ever voted for Donald Trump is forced to get their drinking water from Pakistan for fucking ever.

Deep Thoughts #297

Darwin almighty, I wish I could shake this dry cough I’ve been having for the last thirteen weeks. Is there some kind of virus going around?

Deep Thoughts #296

Want to make America great? Stand upright, get an education, and don’t vote for Republicans. You can do better than your uninformed parents.

Deep Thoughts #295

Explain why you vote for Trump, inbreed. Did you flunk out of school, or just stop going? Did your baby daddy not pull out when he promised?

Deep Thoughts #294

I bet that Melania has to push Marjorie Taylor Greene out of bed if she wants to part the tangerine pubes and suck Donald Trump’s limp dick.

Deep Thoughts #293

Sorry…didn’t mean to leave anyone out. Any human being who thinks Donald Trump is valid is a moron, not just the mouth-breathers on Twitter.

Deep Thoughts #292

I’m totally surprised I didn’t turn into a zombie yesterday, being vaccinated and all. Those Trumpy Twitter morons seemed sure that I would.

472. Indiana City Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) - Simcoe, Yo! Hazy Pale Ale

“Juicy, hazy pale ale, whirlpool and double dry hopped exclusively with Simcoe hops for big citrus, grapefruit, earthy hop flavor and aroma.”

I never get Indiana City beer anymore, and I kinda hate that; but then again, I ain’t made out of money, and their stuff was a touch pricey even before the world shit the bed. But god-fucking-damn can these cats drop an IPA. This one has got all kinds of shit going on, from melon up front when it’s cold, to stone fruit on the back end and a wee little bit of a citrus shine as it warms up. Those flavors get mixed up a little bit as it gets warmer, but it remains quite lovely—maybe even a little mysterious. It’s also got a fairly low ABV for a pale at 5.5%. They were making some of the best beer in Indianapolis before the world shit the bed, and now that the much-missed Central State Brewing is gone, they are definitely best in class when it comes to IPAs.

471. Four Day Ray Brewing (Fishers, IN) - Hot Pink Strawberry Rhubarb Jalapeño Blonde Ale

“Beat the heat with Hot Pink, a spicy and jammy blonde ale that pairs perfectly with the summer sun. This blonde is very fruit-forward with the freshness from the strawberries. The sweetness is balanced with a bit of heat in the back of the throat. This brilliant collaboration of flavors creates a beer that glows hot pink providing a fun, refreshing, unique drinking experience perfect for any occasion. Awarded a bronze medal at the 2017 Great American Beer Festival.”

Um. Yeah, so leaving aside the fact that it sounds like they think they reinvented the wheel, stop for a second and look at that picture. Seriously. Take your time. It ain’t getting any pinker. I was sort of hoping for something lurid like the watermelon variant of Sun King’s Sunlight cream ale, but this just looked like…you know…beer. It does have a genuinely jammy taste, however; it’s not sweet, but that strawberry flavor and aroma is exactly the same as the taste of the Smucker’s strawberry jam out of those little plastic disposable containers they give you for spreading on your toast at the diner. The jalapeño presents as spice rather than flavor and is more than “a bit of heat in the back of the throat”—at least on the first sip. It’s got a lot going on for a blonde ale, but it’s just a hair short of impressive.

470. Energy City Brewing (Batavia, IL) - Bistro Pineapple Coconut Cream Pie

“Fresh tropical pineapple and creamy coconut bring the flavors into perfect harmony in this delightful Berliner Weisse.”

This is a Coppertone commercial in a can, and possibly the most strongly-flavored beer I have ever encountered. Strong—almost overpowering—cococnut aroma and flavor upfront, followed by thick, sweet pineapple, especially as it warms up. It’s nearly as perplexing as the other “slushy” beer I’ve tried, a spectacularly overpriced thing from 450 North that I seem to recall being somewhat more balanced than this one. It’s pleasantly boozy at 6.5% ABV, but otherwise, it’s too much—too thick, too sweet, and too heavily flavored. It seems to do what a slushy is supposed to do, but I just don’t think I care for the style.

469. Switchyard Brewing Company (Bloomington, IN) - Run the World

“This is our International Women’s Day collaboration brew using the Pink Boots Blend from Yakima Chief Hops. Expect lovely citrus notes from this juicy New England Pale Ale.”

The flavors are very, very light—mostly peach, but with a touch of citrus as it warms up; and though those flavors work well together, the combination of light flavors and low ABV (4.7%), renders it just a little bit south of interesting. You could drink it all day, but I’m not sure why you’d want to.

468. DESTIHL Brewery (Normal, IL) - Deadhead

“Like the bold colors & patterns of a tie-dye shirt, this classic West Coast-style IPA is bursting with psychedelic hoppy & fruity aromas swirling with abundant American hop flavor & bitterness and a vintage malt backdrop.”

I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something going on here that I don’t like. The bitterness is upfront and fairly pervasive, to the point that what fruit flavor there is remains mostly obscured—and everything in the first part of this sentence increases notably as the beer warms up. The second one was better, however—less bitter, and with more evident flavors of papaya and lemon. It still feels empty, though; and it bothers me that I can’t figure out why I don’t like it.

467. Sun King (Indianapolis, IN) - Caramel Corn

“Ale made with Caramel corn.”

The above is the official copy on the Sun King website, but the copy on the State Fair website is much more informative: “You know the say [sic], there’s more than corn in Indiana? Well, sometimes it is all about the corn in Indiana! Sun King + Indiana State Fair Beer have partnered again for a new 2022 Indiana State Fair beer. This year’s beer is Caramel Corn. There are 100 lbs of Just Pop In Caramel Popcorn in the batch! Fun fact - kernels hail from a local popcorn farmer. You will be able to get your hands on Caramel Corn beer during the 2022 Indiana State Fair and a limited amount will be available on draft at Sun King tap room locations and at Just Pop In!”

The beer is better than the writing, though that is obviously not a high bar to clear. I have not tried the caramel corn at Just Pop In!, but this beer might be what finally gets me through the doors. It tastes the way caramel popcorn smells, with just a hint of sweetness. The taste reminded me of the smell of the Karmelcorn store in the Washington Square Mall whenever I would have occasion to walk by it. I don’t think I ever bought caramel corn there, but I must have walked past it at least a hundred times in my life. The nostalgia dump in my brain from the first sip of this beer was intense, and that by itself would be enough to recommend it; but it’s also a nicely balanced ale. I would love to have more of them; but as is so often the case with Sun King’s most interesting beers, they are not available in packaged form.

466. Metazoa Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) - Jumpin’ Joey

“Floral and resinous pine aromas combine with a touch of bready malt flavor resutling in a hop-forward beer with a crisp, dry finish.”

This beer has all kinds of interesting things going on: melon-y sweetness when it’s cold, pine and citrus as it warms up, and a finish that starts out dry and then becomes just slightly bitter. It’s only 5.25% ABV, and they don’t call it a session—but for Metazoa, it’s a session; and it’s a pretty good one.

Deep Thoughts #291

I’ll bet Taylor Swift is proud that her social media trolls are sycophantic slackjaws with no idea how to write a complete fucking sentence.

Deep Thoughts #290

And I get that Cunt Manchin calls itself a Democrat; but it’s a fucking liar, and it should die in a fire along with all of the Republicans.

Deep Thoughts #289

Elaine Chao’s wife is a worthless fucking cunt, but these two living abortions are nearly as bad. The Republican party needs to fucking die.

Deep Thoughts #288

Am I fucking crazy, or are Susan Collins and Joe Manchin for once in their ridiculous lives not being useless pieces of obstructionist shit?

Deep Thoughts #287

There is no room—anywhere—for conservative thought. You are ignorant and were raised incorrectly. Step aside, and let the world pass you by.

Deep Thoughts #286

If you are a Republican in the House of Representatives and your name is not on this list, then you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Resign.

Deep Thoughts #285

What are the chances that Senate Republicans grow spines and learn to walk upright like 47 members of their House caucus finally managed to?

465. Fat Head’s Brewery (Middleburg Heights, OH) - IBU-sive

“Heavy doses of citra and mosaic hops together with strata layered-in lend resinous aromatics. Tropical and citrus flavors of pineapple and orange. Light caramel malt sweetness with medium bitterness.”

And you’d think that the bitterness would be off the charts with a name like “IBU-sive.” The one I had on tap at the Off Broadway Taproom in Madison, Indiana, last week had all kinds of lovely fruit flavors going on. This one, out of a can from a six-pack I bought at Stoney’s the other day, is not as dynamic. Mostly pine, with a little bit of fruit, and practically no bitterness at all. So much better on tap than out of a can that I want to plan our next three-day weekend for Cleveland and Cuyahoga Valley National Park so I can try some of their stuff in the taproom.

464. Maine Beer Company (Freeport, ME) - Lunch

“Lunch is a special whale that has been spotted off the Maine coast since 1982. She has what looks like a bite taken out of her fin, which adds to her unique character. We dedicate this beer to her determination and persistence. Keep on swimming! Aromas of orange, grapefruit, and lemon with pine and herbal undertones. Tropical notes of guava and papaya with subtle caramel and malt sweetness.”

Would like to have to tried more than one of these, but they were $11 for a half-liter bottle—and even when you’re on vacation and not thinking about money in exactly the same way you think about money when you’re not on vacation, that’s still a bit much to pay for what is essentially a pint of beer. I don’t think there’s as much going on here as whoever wrote the ad copy for the website does, but it’s not bad. It’s crisp and dry, with lots of carbonation, and the flavors don’t linger; and even though it clocks in at 7% ABV, it doesn’t feel big or heavy at all.

Deep Thoughts #284

If you voted for Donald Trump—ever—you are an ignorant person who did not pay enough attention in school. (Do they have school in Kentucky?)

463. Fat Head’s Brewery (Middleburg Heights, OH) - Benjamin Danklin

“Loaded up like a lightning rod of lupulin, this celebratory IPA is full of dank aromas and bold citrus, mango, and pine flavors. Proof that God wants us to be hoppy!”

Um. Do I have to stand up and take off my hat before I drink the fucking thing? We were late to the Indians game the other night because I had to work, so I missed all that national anthem shit—but then they played a canned version of it before the Victory Field “fireworks,” so I had to stand up anyway. Then some yo-yo sang “God Bless America,” but I’ll be fucked if I’m standing up for that one. I still enjoy Fat Head’s beers, but now I sort of can’t help but wonder if I’m providing material support to Republicans when I buy their stuff. I hate the thought of that, but I live in Indiana, so what are you going to do? This is the least impressive beer I have tried from Fat Head’s (though that has nothing to do with the quasi-patriotic horseshit they’re pimping on the website description). (And you know what? I never even looked at the can for a description until just now; and would you believe that the first sentence is almost identical: “Loaded up like a lightning bolt of lupulin this celebratory IPA is loaded with notes of citrus, mango, and pine.”, but that the second sentence is much less Bible Belt when it says, “We’re convinced there’s a statesman in our history that wants us to be hoppy!” No grammar awards for these people, but they might not be the brain-dead Republican shit stains it was starting to sound like they might be.) The beer isn’t bad, but it isn’t great; and if they are Republicans, then I’m fucking done. (I get that there’s no real way to know if someone is a Republican, but wouldn’t it be great if they glowed, or something? So you could cross the street before they got close enough to touch you?) No more to say. I’m pretty fucking disappointed today.