Deep Thoughts #353

You know how you can tell your local coffee shop is awesome? The song playing on the overhead speakers when you walk in is “Down in a Hole”.

632. Gatlinburg Brewing Company (Gatlinburg, TN) - Breakfast Juice

“Tropical fruit flavors and aromas are complimented [sic] with a pillowy mouthfeel in this interpretation of a New England IPA.”

The beers I tried in the taproom were much better than this one out of a can; I genuinely can’t come up with anything to say about this beer. Yes, there is fruit there; but it tastes more like stone fruit than tropical fruit to me, though whatever that flavor might be is light. That said, I maintain a species of affection for it, because the Gatlinburg outpost of this company is a very lovely place to sit and have a drink. We went twice, sat at the same table both times, and were both dismayed and amused by the fact that there was a Trump Store across the street. I was a tiny bit disappointed with the pizza, but the service was exceptional. If you go, ask for Rachel.

631. Smoky Mountain Brewery (Gatlinburg, TN) - IPA

“A west coast American IPA. Small amounts of honey malt and biscuit malt balance beautifully with loads of late-addition aroma hops.”

I got a six-pack of these to go and was unimpressed with the three I had while we were still in Gatlinburg. However…the one I’m having at home right now, poured into the frosted mug, has a strong bready aroma on the nose, a much smoother finish, and a hint of honey on the back end. It’s so much more interesting than I originally thought that I almost wish I had tried one on tap while we were in Gatlinburg. (But not really. Some of the other Smoky Mountain Brewery beers I tried were just straight up bad. I would say that you shall hear, except that I only had one each of the other four I tried; those were all in the restaurants; and I didn’t make notes about any of them. Journalistic ineptitude strikes again!)

630. Kismetic Beer Company (Indianapolis, IN) - My Dog’s From Denver

“Collaboration beer brewed by more than 13 local Indiana breweries. Featuring El Dorado and Chinook hops with a touch of Cascade. 6% of sales are donated to FACE animal clinic.”

This is a new 7.4% American Pale Ale that they have just tapped, and it’s the first beer I can remember having here that has a name. It’s definitely one of the biggest beers they have ever served. Smooth and caramelly up front, with a slightly bitter finish that holds up through the first several sips. There’s a vaguely fruity flavor that might be cherries or almonds, and the overall flavor might be what is so often bandied about as “dank.” The bitter finish softens a bit as the beer warms, but the fruit stays just out of arm’s length. With 12 other hands in the mix, though, no way to know how much of this is Ryan; but it’s one of the best beers I’ve ever had here, though not my favorite.

Deep Thoughts #352

Every inbred one of you misinformed and uneducated jackoffs is a racist and xenophobic wart on the ass of humanity. Please fucking die soon.

Deep Thoughts #351

For the good of the United States of America, anyone who ever voted for Donald Trump for anything should die as soon as is humanly possible.

Deep Thoughts #350

You jackoffs who still support Donald Trump and the Nazis he employs should be shot in the face just the way Adam Sandler was in Uncut Gems.

Deep Thoughts #349

If anyone can explain Foo Fighters I would be all ears…except for the fact that I would rather be in the other room listening to real music.

Deep Thoughts #348

You are a fucking crybaby who makes Vanderbilt and Nashville look bad, and you might get drafted in the third round. Shut up, fucking idiot.

Deep Thoughts #347

Diego Pavia can drink a big glass of SHUT UP ASSHAT, and then watch Indiana continue playing at least one more day after his season is over.

629. Big Lug Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) - Gatekeeper

The descriptions are all over the place, so instead we’re just going to shoot from the hip on this one. It’s possibly the richest coffee stout I have ever tasted. The coffee flavor hits up front, and then lingers into the dry finish on the back end. The can says 6.66% ABV (which I can totally appreciate), and it sort of feels like it. Everything smooths out as it warms, and it remains one of the best stouts I have ever had—and easily the best Big Lug joint I have ever had.

Deep Thoughts #346

Talking monkeys who pay to see movies like Witches of Oz 2 need to be electrocuted in front of their inbred, ICEE-drinking living abortions.

Deep Thoughts #345

You bought a ticket for Witches of Oz 2 on Fandango, you can’t find your QR code, and you want me to fix it? Fuck off and die, inbred bitch.

Cinema Observations #8

The last person to leave last night was a cunt who fell asleep watching Witches of Oz 2. She had her laptop open and her skanky-ass bare feet up on her seat and the seat in front of her. This is why Wicked movies should be coat-hanger aborted as soon as they register a heartbeat.

628. Left Hand Brewing Co. (Longmont, CO) - Peanut Butter Milk Stout

“Rhythm and Blues. Batman and Robin. Peanut Butter and Chocolate. These classic duos never go out of style. Enter Peanut Butter Milk Stout. We took the pure milk chocolate bliss of our classic Milk Stout and added peanut buttery goodness. It’s like an adult peanut butter cup you can drink. It’s rich and decadent on the palate and lusciously lingers into a nutty, dry finish. A perfect pair you’ll want to share.”

Um. Since the writing is fucking terrible, I’m going to ignore the description. The first little taste of the beer, though, was pure magic—possibly the most peanut butter flavor I have ever experienced in a beer. Unfortunately, the peanut butter part gets lost in the other milk stout bits upon subsequent sips and as the beer warms. It’s also a touch too sweet for the ABV (6.2%). Not bad, by any means—but no match for Peanut Butter Busted Knuckle, either.

627. Brewery 33 (Logan, OH) - CCC Coconut Cream Ale

“Smooth cream ale with coconut flavors.”

Tried this in the taproom a couple of days ago, and it was the best first sip of a beer I have had in a long time. There was light coconut flavor up front, and then the back end filled in with the almost-vanilla smoothness of a fine cream ale. The second one in the taproom the next day wasn’t as good as the first, but became more interesting as it warmed. The two out of the crowler (one last night at the cabin and one today after we got home and the bottle had bounced around in the car for four hours), also were not as good as the first—but contained echoes of that excellence. This place has come a long way since the first time we visited, four years ago while the world was still shitting the bed. That time, there wasn’t anything for Amy to drink, so I only had one beer and got some cans to go. This time, Amy tried a flight of mead and really enjoyed it. Just be sure to plan your visit for when it’s nice enough to sit outside, because the inside space is small and the bartenders can be surly.

626. Short’s Brewing Company (Elk Rapids, MI) - Pure Michigan® Fall IPA

“When fall arrives the air changes. You can smell it before you see the leaves start to change. And by the time the rolling glacial hills of our backyard finally explode with color so splendiferous you can see it from space, the harvest of the hops and malts we use in our Products of Passion is well underway. It’s tough to pick a favorite season, but fall is pure magic in Pure Michigan®.”

Um. That’s from the can; what they have on the website is only marginally better. Strong flavor of pine, especially as it warms. There’s also something soft and fruity that I can’t quite pin down. I’m going to go with stone fruit and maybe a tiny sliver of lemon zest. Another excellent Short’s joint.

625. Lakefront Brewery (Milwaukee, WI) - Pumpkin Lager

“Real pumpkin and pie spice join Munich and caramel malts in our brewhouse, then lager for four weeks in our cellar, and come together with all the flavors of a lush pumpkin pie.”

And on the can it says, “Lager brewed with real pumpkin, cinnamon, allspice, ginger, nutmeg, cloves and mace.” I think I can taste the mace. (This is a bad joke, which means it has a good chance of being confirmed as the next Secretary of Defense.) The cinnamon leads the way and sort of buries everything else, but the general effect is solid; and all of that baking spice imparts an unusually dry finish for a lager. The 6.1% ABV is just icing on the cake. I haven’t made a list of the best pumpkin beers I’ve tried, but this would have to be top five.