244. Madtree Brewing Co. (Cincinnati, OH) - Psychopathy

“Explore the blend of citrus, bright, and floral aromas. Additional citrus flavors follow alongside a smooth bitterness. It finishes with a medium body and a slightly sweet, malty backbone. Trust your senses.”

Very light, very smooth, and gives no indication at all that it’s 6.9% (well, at first). I’m somewhat puzzled by this beer—because I should like it, but it’s not really doing anything for me.

243. Innovation Brewing (Sylva, NC) - Soulvation Tropical IPA

“This unique IPA is the result of Sylva’s collaborative community and is brought together by a love of both beer and tea. A beverage like no other, that exemplifies the manifestation of people working together. So fruity you can practically taste the rainbow.”

The can says that it’s brewed with “pineapple papaya green tea.” I taste the pineapple, and maybe even the papaya; but I don’t know if I could ever pick green tea flavor out of a hat. (“I guess that means I’m old fashioned. I like lips and assholes.”) The finish is a little bitter given the lightness of the flavors, but it’s not bad.

242. Lazy Hiker Brewing Company (Franklin, NC) - Slack Pack IPA

“Slack Pack IPA is your beer for enjoying that last view after you’ve left behind the baggage of the day. Slack Pack IPA features a full blend of American hops stacked like a cairn on slightly sweet malt.”

Very bright and clean, with light pine and citrus notes. Drifts a little more toward the citrus as it warms up. We drove down through Sylva, NC, today (7/10/20), to look at a really old rock covered in petroglyphs; and when we came back around, we had lunch in Sylva (Pie Times Pizza Co.)—and there were at least three different breweries along one section of Main Street. I got beer at two of them—the third only had crowlers and growlers, and they were too expensive (think Black Circle prices, except that Black Circle doesn’t do growlers of any kind)—and this one was only $10 for a six-pack of 12-ounce cans (and the stickers and buttons were free). The bitter finish lingers, and the citrus really shines when it warms up.

241. Mountain Layers Brewing Company (Bryson City, NC) - Dragon Tamer NEIPA

“Combines barley and oat malt, along with flaked barley, rye and oats to produce a juicy, hazy IPA with citrus hop notes of orange marmalade, lemon and lime. Creamy white head and silky mouthfeel make this a sensual and delicious taste experience.”

Today was the best day of our trip to the Smokies so far, and as we were on our way to the Road to Nowhere, near Bryson City, NC, we passed a little shack with an awning that said, Mountain Layers Brewing Company. I checked it on the interwebs while Amy continued driving toward the Road to Nowhere, and deemed it worthy of a stop on our way back. Unfortunately, all they had for carry-out were crowlers and growlers; but the prices were decent, and they had lots of hoppy IPA choices. I grabbed three crowlers and a sticker for $35, which included a pretty fat-ass tip. That’s a busy grain profile going on up there, but it does have a creamy sort of thing going on. It doesn’t say anything about lactose or milkshake, but it has that kind of feel—and a very soft finish. And it feels like it drinks a lot bigger than its advertised 5.6%—but that might be because I haven’t had anything to eat since breakfast this morning, and it’s now going on 6pm.

240. Crosstown Brewing Co. (Memphis, TN) - Traffic (6.2%)

No description apart from “American IPA,” but it has a nice tropical/stone fruit flavor going on up front. Had this one and the previous one after a four-mile hike on the Chimney Tops trail at Great Smoky Mountains National Park. Gatlinburg is busy AF, and so is the park. Fairly good chance I’ll come back to tenderloin country with the ‘roni. Just sayin’.

239. Fat Bottom Brewing Co. (Nashville, TN) - Knockout (5.9%)

“Starting as a taproom special, this brew was too popular not to bring back for the big time. Made from Cascade and Pacific Jade hops, Knockout is distinguished by a grapefruit aroma. And at 80 IBU, she has a bitter punch, but is balanced with a malty backbone. She’s definitely a knockout!”

Cascade and Pacific Jade hops are supposed to impart spicy qualities and citrus notes, and I get some of both with this one. Has the powerful, sharp taste of a much bigger beer, but it’s only 5.9%.

238. Odd Side Ales (Grand Haven, MI) - Citra Pale Ale

“A single hop pale ale brewed exclusively with Citra hops. The aroma is an intoxicating bouquet of grapefruit, tropical fruit, lemon, and pine.”

Nice balance of flavors, and just a hint of caramel malt at the end. Creeps up on me a little bit, in a way that I sort of enjoy.

Deep Thoughts #217

So will I blacklist the whole city now? It surely can’t be done. But I’m going to think about it (and we’re also going to leave for a week).

Deep Thoughts #216

I’m having trouble ginning up any patriotic feelings today for a place where lately so much ordering around of the people has been going on.

Deep Thoughts #215

I’ve been listening to discographies since the government hates movie theatres so much; and the Paul Stanley solo album is fucking terrible.

Deep Thoughts #214

Shapiro’s doesn’t make my blacklist, but their handwritten signs ejaculating “If you touch it, you must buy it!” pissed me off a little bit.

237. Boulevard Brewing Co. (Kansas City, MO) - Space Camper Cosmic IPA

“Space Camper Cosmic IPA is an exhilarating initiation into a mind-bending alternate universe of India Pale Ales. Our brewers employ massive hop additions at the end of the boil, and during fermentation, to minimize upfront bitterness and create a juicy IPA bursting with tropical fruit flavors and aromas of nectar and citrus.”

Very easy-drinking, and at only 5.9%, it’s pretty much a light beer version of its IPA brethren. Might work for people who don’t really go for IPAs, but it’s a little tame for me.

Blacklist

UPDATED 6/30/20: Some places come right out and say it, and some are more passive-aggressive. Bloomington's Book Corner is of the latter persuasion, but they make the list because almost every bookstore I have checked is now seated in the paranoid retard section.

UPDATED 6/24/20: Not that Indianapolis will ever be mistaken for a city with good bookstores, but now the options are even more limited, as Indy Reads Books and Irvington Vinyl & Books make the list. And the credit-card-only shit is starting to piss me off, too. You are legally obligated to accept cash for payment, you candy-ass pieces of shit. (I have no doubt that Monkey Joe and Monkey Eric probably suspended that rule for the time being. Why not? They probably get a sweet thumb up the ass from the credit card companies. Fuck those two knuckle-dragging simians.)

UPDATED 6/20/20: Lick Ice Cream reopened their tasting room in the Circle City Industrial Complex today, but they are requiring masks, so I will continue to get my ice cream at Wyliepalooza here in Irvington - which, by the way, has remained open throughout the last three months, while most of the world was shitting the bed. They have not, to my knowledge, ever required that customers wear masks - and yet they seem not to have all died agonizing, respiratory-related deaths. I don't even know how that's possible, given that the whole fucking internet apparently thinks that masks can walk on water, part the Red Sea, and sing in perfect, three-part harmony.

UPDATED 6/13/20: The Indianapolis Public Library has posted its plan for re-opening for "in-branch services," and they are, unfortunately, including the fascist dictum that everyone over two years of age is required to wear a face mask. I have not actively pursused information from any of the other businesses on this list as to when they plan to drop their incorrect policy errors; but the library, more than most all of the other establishments listed here, is an essential service for many people. The library should feel an obligation to be more accommodating and less stupid, so it may be necessary to petition them directly for redress of this grievance.

UPDATED 6/11/20: "Wear a mask when ordering" sounds like a dictate to me, so Percolate Irvington gets added to the list. This used to be the second outpost of a Fountain Square spot called The Wine Market, but the Irvington shop closed for remodeling right around the time the world shit the bed. I drag Amy to breweries all the time, where there usually isn't much for her to drink - so having this place right here in Irvington was a nice alternative for her. Not a big loss for me, since the tiny beer selection they have isn't very good.

UPDATED 6/8/20: The Facebook pages for the three Barnes & Noble stores in the metro area have inconsistent messaging with respect to face masks, but all three stores have used the word required in at least one post. The two stores outside Marion County send a somewhat mixed message by also using the words strongly encourage. Both indicate that this company does not value my business.

UPDATED 6/4/20: Calvin Fletcher's Coffee Company is obnoxiously pimping face masks at every opportunity on their social media posts, but I haven't actually seen the word required yet. I guess there's a fine line between paranoia and discrimination. I don't go there very much because they're closed on Sundays, but even with all of the time off that I currently have, this sort of behavior will discourage me from patronizing their establishment.

UPDATED 6/2/20: We went downtown this afternoon to ogle broken glass and boarded windows, and I discovered two more places that are discriminating against unmasked people—Global Gifts and Silver in the City.

ORIGINAL POST
Following is a list of places that require* face masks for entry to the premises. It is not acceptable to require people to wear face masks anywhere, for any reason, at any time. Until these businesses permanently exterminate their incorrect policies, they will not receive my business.

Apple Store
Barnes & Noble
Black Circle Brewing Co.
Book Corner - NEW
Costco
Global Gifts
Indianapolis City Market
The Indianapolis Public Library
Indy Reads Books
Irvington Farmers Market
Irvington Vinyl & Books
Lick Ice Cream
Menards
Percolate Irvington
Silver in the City
Tattered Cover Book Store - NEW

* These places, to the best of my knowledge, require face masks as of the date and time of the most recent version of this post. I will update the list as I receive new information, but removing the incorrect face mask requirement will not absolve any business of guilt. They will be moved to a separate list of businesses that did wrong, but have since learned from their mistakes. (And if I sound angry, it's because I fucking am.)

236. Black Acre Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) - Shutdown Schwarzbier

“Shutdown, our German-style Schwarzbier, was brewed to benefit the Indy Independent Relief Fund, who assist industry employees in need. Hops donated from Crazy Horse, and grain donated from Sugar Creek Malt Co.”

I spend so much time with IPAs that I mostly forget the fact that I do, actually, like other styles. I thought our multiple stops at Big Woods in December, when I discovered the joys of Peanut Butter Busted Knuckle and Common Necessity would help me to keep that in mind—but that seems not to be the case. I don’t know if that’s bad or not. I tend to love the hoppy pales I try, and a lot of the other stuff is usually just meh. This one has some nice coffee notes, and solid malt in the spine; but it doesn’t really do anything for me.

235. Black Acre Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) - Riotous Daymares

“Jam packed with tropical fruit and the orange goo of dream logic, this juicy IPA won’t help you interpret the world around you. But then again, it can’t hurt.”

I think the word up there is goo; but it might be god. The label font is a blocky style that makes O and D almost indistinguishable. The ordering website says pineapple and mango, but I taste lemon and peach—and it gets pretty tangy as it warms up. I don’t think there’s any lactose in there, but this sort of feels like what you might get if a milkshake and a sour collided at a fairly high speed.

234. Four Day Ray Brewing (Fishers, IN) - Grapefruit Track Jumper IPA

“Brewed with grapefruits and heavy on the hops. Grapefruit aroma with orange, citrus, resin and pine.”

Really nice grapefruit flavor up front, with a smooth, dry finish. It’s a little too heavy to be called refreshing, but I think it would probably still make a pretty good lawnmower beer.

Deep Thoughts #213

And now it is time to stop reading Twitter. Even the reasoned people are re-tweeting the ejaculations of the mask crazies. Shut the fuck up.

Deep Thoughts #212

We got a double surrey at White River State Park today, and it was refreshing that none of the employees there were either masked or gloved.

233. DuClaw Brewing Co. (Rosedale, MD) - Oatshake

“To make this velvety-smooth double IPA, we blend in steel-cut oats that have been soaked and strained into rich, creamy oat milk. That, along with the addition of even more oats, gives Oatshake its hazy, pillowy mouthfeel while allowing hop flavors & aromas to shine through.”

I’ve had beers that were brewed with oats as part of the grain profile, but this is the first time, to my knowledge, that I have had a milkshake that came from oat milk. It works awfully well. There’s an echo of fruit in there, but it blends so smoothly with the high alcohol (8.5%) and the dry finish that the whole thing feels like it’s meant to be a showcase for the oat milk. Best new beer I’ve had in a long time.

232. Terre Haute Brewing Co. (Terre Haute, IN) - La Riviere

“Classic farmhouse ale spice and fruit combo with a twist. Dry hopped with Lemondrop hops. Late additions of Moroccan coriander, grains of paradise, sweet orange peel, and Lemondrop hops. Peppery spice, orange, lemon zest. A crisp and refreshing springtime beverage.”

UPDATED 6/22/20: After pouring the final two, the verdict is that this particular batch is overcarbonated AF.

A little bit of citrus and farmhouse funk up front and on the nose, and a very bitter finish that I suppose might be the classic spice they’re referring to. I’m not entirely sure. This one foamed over when I popped it, and I was afraid it was overcarbonated. I had to wait awhile for the foam to subside, and the carbonation was fine—but it got too warm, too fast. Such is the risk of drinking beer in the summer in my poorly-ventilated aboveground lair. (The second one is not much better, but I’m not sure if that’s because it’s overcarbonated or because it’s not a very good beer.)

231. St. Joseph Brewery (Indianapolis, IN) - Second Chances

“DDH American IPA. Brewed with Citra, Blanc and Mandarina hops. Double dry hopped with Mosaic, Simcoe and Amarillo.”

All those different hops flavors mix together pretty nicely, and the result is a deceptively light-tasting beer with good balance.

230. Indiana City Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) - Parachuting Pigs

“Our latest in the Craft Brew Doodle Crew series is another amazingly juicy full-flavored and smooth DDH IPA brewed with Mosaic, Cashmere and Galaxy hops.”

Light fruit flavors up front, and a soft, bitter finish. Wasn’t sure I liked the first one, but am more certain of the second. The bitter finish is soft, but it mixes with the moderate alcohol (7.5%) to sharpen up that sweet fruit opening.

229. Schlafly Beer (St. Louis, MO) - Tasmanian IPA

“Our Tasmanian IPA is brewed with 100% Australian hops. The Tasmanian hop, Galaxy, is a strong, aromatic variety that is different from traditional strains of the Pacific Northwest. Our brewers developed a recipe that showcases the hop’s unique flavors of citrus and pineapple.”

I suspect that must be passionfruit—but it might also be lychee? Those are two fruits I have never eaten, so I can’t say for sure what they taste like; but I get a strong fruit flavor up front with this one, and it ain’t citrus or pineapple. It might just be the flavor I have tasted in I don’t know how many other beers and have never been able to identify. Whatever it is, I like it. Also, this is the first beer I have tried in this little experiment from the state of Missouri. I have now tried beers from 21 different states—as well as two other countries (Canada and Honduras).

228. Brew Link Brewing Company (Plainfield, IN) - $timulu$ IPA

No description, except that it’s part of the Industry Relief Series, an offshoot of the Indy Independent Relief Fund. Very light tropical and citrus notes up front, with a strong, malty bitterness to the finish. I’m still not entirely clear on what dank is supposed to be mean when we’re talking about beer, but that was the word that came to mind when I took my first sip of this.

227. Sun King (Indianapols, IN) - Math Doctor

“Small Batch Math Doctor is a Sour IPA with a mouth-puckering tartness and flavors of lemonade, lychee, and guava.”

That first sip is impressively sour, with low carbonation and bright citrus, and then some very light stone fruit in the finish. This one is either too sour, or my taste for the style is diminishing.

226. Sun King (Indianapolis, IN) - The Big Tickle

“The Big Tickle is an Imperial IPA that tickles the taste buds with substantial citra [sic] hop satisfaction.”

I can almost taste the tree that the fruit was picked from, and this strain of Citra has a strong finishing flavor of nectarine that isn’t quite ripe yet. So smooth that you won’t have any idea how big it is (8.3%). Wasn’t sure I liked it at first, but it’s growing on me. I like a little more balance in an IPA—but I love nectarines, and that flavor at the end is really impressive.

224. BrewDog (Columbus, OH) - East Coast Crush

“This New England Style IPA pours as hazy as a brisk Vermont morning. With bags of crisp tropical fruit aromas, this dry-hopped monsoon crushes with pineapple, mango, and a touch of zesty lime. Brewed with wheat and oats, the waves of juicy flavor finish with an unfiltered, coastal-crisp, that’s smooth and sessionable. High on hops, low on bitterness, and big on taste. East Coast Crush - Fully fruited fog machine.”

Um…okay. I saw New England Style IPA on the label, and did not think for a second that it would be a session; and I suppose for a session it’s alright. I sort of get the session-style lightness of it, but New England’s are supposed to be juicy and big. I think. I could be wrong. This one is neither, but I sort of get the idea that it wishes it were both.

223. Sun King (Indianapolis, IN) - Small Batch Check Ya Later

“Small Batch Check Ya Later is a Rye IPA brewed as one of the last beers to come from our 96th St. location.”

Because apparently the cold, industrial plainness of that taproom needed some kind of sendoff? I’m no expert on rye IPAs, but ever since I first tried the plain old rye IPA at Black Circle, I have felt as though I have an affinity for them. Philip’s version isn’t quite as good as Dan’s, and the very aggressive Saucy Intruder from Black Acre falls somewhere in between. This one comes a close second to Dan’s version of Carney Rye’d. It’s more dynamic, with a stronger spice up front and a very upright bitter finish. Dan’s was a little more even; Philip’s is very bitter; and Black Acre’s is much hoppier, and a little more drinky. To be clear, though—all four are very good; and this is the best thing I’ve had from Sun King in a long time.

Deep Thoughts #211

My true face will reveal that I won’t be told what to do. Like the colonists who left merry old England. Shane Leonard can fuck off and die.

222. Southern Tier Brewing Co. (Lakewood, NY) - 8 Days a Week

“With fruity notes, low bitterness and a clean finish, this refreshing beer is hard to put down. Take it with you on your infinite adventures. No matter the journey, this is an ale you can enjoy 8 Days a Week.”

Meh. Very drinkable, but almost no flavor. Blondes are not my jam, but there’s almost always something lame in a variety pack that you just have to put up with if you want to try the rest of them.

221. Taxman Brewing Co. (Bargersville, IN) - Double DIPA - Mosaic + Lemondrop

“Great things come in pairs. Double DIPA showcases two hops working in harmony to create a balanced, hop-forward experience. The intense mango, berry and pine aromas of Mosaic hops are brightened by vibrant citrus notes of Lemondrop hops. Both are elevated by a soft, malty saison body.”

I get the mango more on the nose than in the taste, but not much in the way of pine. Another big beer (9.0%) that loses some of its flavor in the punch of the alcohol. I don’t get much of the expected Taxman funkiness, either. Not bad, but maybe a little too big for its britches.

220. BrewDog (Columbus, OH) - Pulp Patriot Blueberry

“This powerhouse of a double milkshake IPA is packing blueberry. Delivering intense blueberry aromas and gigantic jammy flavor upfront. Tailgated by citrus notes that balance out the sweetness. Milk sugar adds body and rounds out the chewy delivery.”

If nothing else, they’re better brewers than they are writers. As for the beer, I get a strong scent of blueberry when I pour it—almost like the smell from the toaster when I would heat up a blueberry bagel in the Teter Quad dining room—but the flavor is not quite as strong, and it gets buried under the high alcohol (9.5%). As usual, the citrus comes out as it warms up. I’m a cheap date. This was only $10.99 for a six-pack, and it seems like craft beer is getting more and more expensive since the middle of March when the world shit the bed. Like most everything I’ve had from BrewDog, I don’t love it—but it’s not bad.

219. Southern Tier Brewing Co. (Lakewood, NY) - Live Session

“Live Session is bright, refreshingly loud, and cracked [sic] up to 11 by adding generous amounts of Citra hops to reflect the feeling of live music. Live Session pairs great with toe-tapping or head-banging to your favorite band on stage.”

This one is also not particularly remarkable, but it has an interesting grassy aftertaste. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but it’s definitely interesting.

218. Souther Tier Brewing Co. (Lakewood, NY) - Nu Juice IPA

“Sometimes evolution is observed in real time. Case in point: Nu Juice IPA. Over the course of more than a year of development, our R&D team uncovered the ultimate balance of hops and malts. This process involves adding Mosaic, Eukanot, and Simcoe hops over a multi-day period, creating a refresingly juicy and approachable IPA. As an added bonus, bitterness has been reduced to a low 30 for what could be the smoothest IPA ever brewed.”

Very subtle fruit flavor up front, and then a dry, earthy finish. Not particularly remarkable.

217. Southern Tier Brewing Co. (Lakewood, NY) - Lake Shore Fog

“Three words to describe Lake Shore Fog: hazy, juicy, refreshing. Three more: aromatic, delicious, golden. A year of brewing development has captured these attributes and rolled them into a brilliant new beer. We are using absurd amounts of hops, dry hopped on 4 different days, making it a juicy flavor and aroma bomb. A slightly malty sweetness balances a dry and very mild finish which melds perfectly with its hazy appearance. Tropical, citrus, and stone fruit, and pleasingly floral character is [sic] marked with notes of big, dank, resinous Mosaic, Citra, and Amarillo hops. Enjoy!”

Yeah…and that doesn’t include the paragraph preceding it, which is a very purply description of whichever lake shore fog seems to have inspired this beer. Nice stone fruit up front, and a hint of citrus on the back end. The dry finish is pretty subtle. Excellent.

Deep Thoughts #210

I am happy to be part of the problem, because I want nothing to do with a solution that would please this special breed of blathering idiot.

216. Southern Tier Brewing Co. (Lakewood, NY) - 2XIPA

“With our 2XIPA, a massive dry hop brings a feverishly hoppy and well-balanced Double IPA. Citrusy hops tease the senses with big aromatics and certifiable bitterness. An enormous haul of hops, including Simcoe and Citra, deliver notes of grapefruit, lemon and doughy sweetness. Double your expectations because this is an ale that demands reverence.”

Okay. There is a pretty good balance between the piney Simcoe and the citrusy/tropical Citra hops. I don’t know about the doughy sweetness, though. The strong bitter finish accentuates the high alcohol (8.2%). Tried another one a day later, when it wasn’t quite as hot up here in my aboveground lair, and found that the Citra stands out a little more when it’s colder. The alcohol still comes to call, but on the whole I’d say I like it better cold.

Deep Thoughts #209

How do you learn a kid who’s about to turn thirteen to turn the stove off when he’s done cooking ravioli, so he doesn’t burn the house down?

Deep Thoughts #208

Amy just got this book out of the library, and I’m thinking someone should buy a bunch of copies and send them to every police officer ever.

215. Single Cut Beersmiths (Queens, NY) - Eric More Cowbell!

“We’ve got a fever—And there is only one cure: a lusciously creamy, slightly sweet Stout that sits atop a roast malt base and huge cocoa infusion that will rock all night long.”

Website says it’s a nitro, and it’s smooth and creamy going down; but it poured like a regular beer. I haven’t had enough nitros to say for sure, but this feels like one. Needs more of a chocolate flavor to balance the vanilla and the sweetness, but not bad.

Deep Thoughts #207

The curfew set me off, but I might have been cooking since I saw a Trump flag in Henry County. Not that I expected better from country folk.

Deep Thoughts #206

I was thinking about going back to consuming news tomorrow, but this curfew shit pissed me off so much that I may not be able to stomach it.

Deep Thoughts #205

So now we get a curfew. Are you fucking kidding me? Fuck you, Joe. Seriously. Fuck your mother and die. I may just end up voting Republican.

214. Centerpoint Brewing Company (Indianapolis, IN) - Bionic High Five

“Bionic High Five is an East coast hazy IPA brewed with pale, wheat, flaked oats, and biscuit malt. Hops are Amarillo, Lemon drop, and Sultana. Begins with notes of citrus, grapefruit, and lemon on the nose. Smooth, full mouthfeel with bready malt tones balance out this juicy IPA.”

I actually do get a little grapefruit on the nose, as well as some light citrus when I taste it. I don’t taste bready, exactly, but the malt does give it a nice bitter finish (which smooths out as it warms up). Very nice.

Deep Thoughts #204b

And most of you fucktards are going to vote for this monkey—again. This state sucks, and so do the many, many mental furballs who live here.

Deep Thoughts #204a

Eric Holcomb ought to be the one to help out the bars and restaurants in Bloomington, since he’s the one who fucked them in the first place.

213. Metazoa Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) - Foxy Lady

“This Double IPA was made in collaboration with Pink Boots Society Indianapolis. Hopped with a special Pink Boots hop blend, made up of Azacca, El Dorado, Idaho Gem, and Loral hops, this beer was created in celebration and support of women in beer.”

There’s something in there I can’t quite place, and it might be floral notes. I’m accustomed to tasting for fruit and pine, but flowers are still somewhat foreign. Definitely some tropical and stone fruit flavor and a finish that is, oddly enough, both sweet and dry. The high alcohol (8.0%) sharpens the finish just a touch—but that will become more pronounced as the beer warms up.

212. Metazoa Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) - Matriarch

“For this can collaboration, Metazoa Brewing Company is donating 5% of each 16 oz can sale to the Indianapolis Zoo in honor of its latest exhibit: Tembo Camp—a chance to experience the majesty and power of the elephant herd up close. Speaking of majesty, in honor of Tembo Camp’s coronation, we’ve hereby anointed this brew Matriarch. And like the queen leader of the elephant herd, our classic American Pale Ale leads a herd of hoppy flavors and citrus aromas while keeping everything safe from bitterness.”

Very light flavor and mouthfeel, and yet a pronounced citrus taste up front before an echo of pine and a dry finish. I prefer a more aggressive pale, but this is very well done. Also, it is worth noting that Metazoa is currently open for walk-up carry-out; they are not requiring customers to be masked if entering the premises; and they are accepting cash. That complete trifecta is not currently available at either Black Circle or Black Acre, and that is disappointing to me. Oh, and they have an excellent barbecue food truck in their parking lot Thursday through Sunday.

211. Daredevil Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) - Rip Cord

“An abundance of American hops balanced with a hint of malt to produce an exhilarating experience of intense hop flavors and aromas.”

Nice stone fruit and tropical fruit up front, but not overpowering. The high alcohol sharpens the finish a little, but it still doesn’t taste like a beer that weighs in at 9.0%. If you’re having the kind of day that badly needs to be un-fucked, one of these bad boys will do the trick.

Deep Thoughts #203

Has there been a study to determine how many morons in this country believe the things they believe only because Sean Hannity tells them to?

210. Brewery Bhavana (Raleigh, NC) - Pulp

“Galaxy hops lend a bright, vivacious, tropical tone to our signature body of malt, wheat, and oats. The resulting beer is a cinematic beauty: first juicy, then bitter, with a clean, dry finish.”

I’m not sure I’m any longer qualified to identify a cinematic beauty, having been out of work for over two months now, thanks to the fucking pussies who run this cunt of a city and this cunt of a state. And this is no pulp fiction, however that might translate to the world of beer. It’s an adequate pale ale, sharp from the alcohol (7.0%) as it warms up, and vaguely tropical. Probably juicy and delightful when it’s cold, but I only have the one—and it’s race day, so it’s hot as fuck up here.

209. Windmill Brewing (Dyer, IN) - Ludicrous Mode

“Fasten your seatbelts for Ludicrous Mode. A Double Pale Ale brewed w/ South African Southern Passion and Experimental XJA2/436 hops, with a pleasant Musk of guava, passion fruit, papaya, and melons. It’s sure to take your taste buds to space, land them back on Earth, and definitely not be Boring.”

So, it’s…tropical? When I was in Honduras last year, we visited a friend of the people we were traveling with, and the friend’s name was Luis. He’s a tilapia farmer, and he also grows papayas. While we were there, we picked some papayas right off the trees, and then took them back to his house and ate them. Probably the best papaya I ever ate in my life, and I still couldn’t tell you exactly what it tastes like. There might be some papaya in here, but I can’t pick it out. Definitely tropical, but nothing stands out; and musk is another one of those words like dank—words I’m still not sure you want to use when describing your beer.

208. The Guardian Brewing Company (Muncie, IN) - The Rez

“Our flagship IPA is decidedly hoppy and bitter with citrusy, floral, resinous overtones that are front and center, with a clean finish. Perfect for a day out on the lake or sitting around the campfire.”

Amy bought a bunch of candy to make Christmas treats last year, but she didn’t use all of it. One of the bags that she didn’t use was milk chocolate M&M’s with caramel inside, and that’s exactly what this beer tastes like. Pretty bitter on the back end, but I can’t decide if that’s good or bad. Can’t decide if I like the beer, either.

207. Black Acre Brewing Company (Indianapolis, IN) - Ol' Fritz

“A crisp German style sour wheat beer.”

Yes, and an almost perfect beer for quaffing when the sun is shining and it’s humid as fuck. I could go for a little more crisp and a little less sour, but that’s just me. (Or it’s been so long since I had a sour that I’m off my game somewhat.) Black Acre Garden has reopened for dine-in service, and the masked slinger who brought today’s libations told me that there would be multiple fruited versions of ‘Ol Fritz coming along later in the summer.

206. Indiana City Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) - Fourth Meal Fight

“The next installment in our Craft Brew Doodle Crew Series. Double Dry Hopped Hazy IPA featuring Comet, Zappa and Azacca hops.”

First time I’ve ever tasted a beer and thought immediately that what I was tasting was mango, so it’s either a very strong mango flavor, or I’m getting better at this. It also has a very stiff, bitter finish that sort of makes me feel like I should sit up and practice good posture. It also makes me wish I had more of them, but it was part of a random four-pack that contained four different beers. It gets sharper as it warms up, in a way that I don’t really dig. (And I’m sure that’s not really horseradish I taste there near the end—right?) It started out awfully well, but when I poured the last of the can, a shitload of yeast came out. I know that’s not bad, but it’s not particularly appealing, either. I normally love the Indiana City Craft Brew Doodle Crew beers, and I loved this one at first; but there’s so much sludge at the bottom of the mug that I may have to throw out the last little bit of this one. It also tastes much more strongly of alcohol as it warms up, so definitely drink this one very cold.

205. Big Lug Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) - Honest Weight

No description apart from “West Coast IPA” on what remains of the website they have gelded to capitulate to the demands of our new master, the coronavirus. The can says “American IPA,” which I’m sure means something to people who know more about beer than I do (but which sounds fucking ridiculous to me), as well as “Resin,” “Zest,” and “Balanced.” Mostly what I get is caramel cookie, with an impressively bitter finish—and maybe a little bit of that zest as it warms up. Not sure I like it, but it’s definitely interesting.

Deep Thoughts #202b

(You should probably take note of that previous fake tweet, because that’s the closest I’m ever going to get to sounding like a Republican.)

Deep Thoughts #202a

It would serve fucktard Joe Hogsett right if we all went on strike against the city of Indianapolis like the prime movers in Atlas Shrugged.

Deep Thoughts #201

A voice of reason, quoted in the IDS: “We just do what we can, but we can’t stay home and watch the world end.” Damn fucking straight, dude.

Deep Thoughts #200

I was stunned that any of these books that Lauren Groff admires were written by men. Am I too jaded or is that one of those “no shit” deals?

204. Deschutes Brewery (Bend, OR) - Lil’ Squeezy Juicy Ale

“Refreshingly juicy. Effortlessly drinkable. Freshly Squeezed. No fruit was harmed in the making of this beer.”

The website says that this one is gluten-reduced. I don’t know if I’ve ever had a beer that was gluten-reduced. (I sure as hell don’t care.) The website also says that this beer is supposed to be the little sister (“Lil’ Sista”) of their flagship Fresh Squeezed IPA, and that seems about right—much milder than Fresh Squeezed in every respect, but also much easier to drink.

203. Short’s Brewing Company (Elk Rapids, MI) - Psychedelic Cat Grass

“Psychedelic Cat Grass is a triple dry-hopped American India Pale Ale originally brewed for HopCat. Aromas of pineapple, mango, and grapefruit accompany the brews (sic) slightly hazy, pale orange color and lasting white head. A dry finish is preceded by balanced flavors of tropical fruit and bitter hops.”

That bitter’s not just in the finish; it’s pretty much holding your hand the whole way, but that’s not bad. It lets those tropical fruit flavors bounce around a little bit without actually running the asylum. It also masks the moderate alcohol (7.6%) somewhat, I think. (But then again, it took me almost two hours to drink two of them—so maybe it just wore off.)

202. Black Acre Brewing Company (Indianapolis, IN) - Stormblast Farmhouse Ale

“Filtered through alfalfa & fermented with a traditional Norwegian yeast. Effervescent with notes of tangerine, grapefruit, and dandelion.”

I have no idea what dandelion is supposed to taste like. I get more of a hint of the farmhouse yeast than I did in Dystopian Game Show, and less of the sharp grapefruit flavor. Still not quite funky, exactly, but definitely more in that direction—almost to the point of masking the fruit flavors, which are pretty subtle. I’m not sure if I like it or not; I might need to have a second in order to make up my mind, but two in a row doesn’t sound all that good to me at the moment. (And I still don’t know what dandelion is supposed to taste like.)

201. Single Cut Beersmiths (Queens, NY) - Jån Alpine White Lager

“The olfactory is working overtime, noting the distinct sweet citrus, delicate flowery herbal and complex citrus spice aromas and flavors of this lager. Smooth soft light malt, finishes very dry and clean with an orange zest bitterness. Perhaps our ultimate patio brew.”

Yeah, I didn’t know what I was getting into with this one. At Stoney’s, you step up to the door and tell someone standing behind a card table what you want to buy. You can’t go in anymore because fuck Eric Holcomb. Just inside the door, to the right, is a stack of cases of 16-ounce four-packs on sale for $4.99. Sometimes you can tell what they are, sometimes you can’t. Sometimes they are a mixed bag. I got a couple the last time I was there, and one of them turned out to be this Alpine white lager. It’s not bad, it’s just not really my thing. It’s got a light, peppery-coriander thing going on, and a nice orangey finish. This might be just the thing on a hot, sunny day after I mow the lawn; but today is not that day.

Deep Thoughts #199

If you require me to wear a mask, I will take my business elsewhere and boycott your establishment forever and ever, amen. Fuck off and die.

200. Sierra Nevada Brewing Co. (Chico, CA) - Hop Bullet

“Hops are the name of the game with a Double IPA, but we knew we had to take it one step further. With Hop Bullet, we’re using a new technique, hitting the beer with a one-two punch of Magnum hops and lupulin dust—pure, concentrated hop flavor—directly into the tank to emphasize the intense pine and citrus flavors of classic West Coast hops.”

Well, super. (I didn’t plan for #200 to be something as pedestrian as Sierra Nevada; that’s just the way it turned out. My bad.) Bitter can be hard to nail in just the right way, but I think they get it here. They actually get it really well. That’s one of the best bitter finishes I’ve ever tasted. That pine is really nice, too; and it leads down to a ripe, ruby red grapefruit flavor right at the end. Holy crap.

199. Hoof Hearted Brewing (Marengo, OH) - Permanent Marker Pen Disguises - UPDATED

“‘Falcon’ & ‘Bubblegum’ put considerable effort into ensuring the heist went off without a hitch. Completely cranked on oil cans of Thunderzone, they set forth with their plan. First things first, they synchronized their (s)watches. Diversionary tactics were discussed, and off-brand smoke bombs and whippersnapper firecrackers were the consensus. An important game of Rock, Paper, Scissors determined who would be the bag man and who would drive the get-away cloth-topped Lebaron. One banana would be spray-painted matte black and used in place of a gun. With burner phones nestled deep in the pockets of each leather duster, one Ronald Reagan + 1 Richard Nixon mask were all the that (sic) were left to apply. ‘Bubz,’ his cohort started, ‘where’s them masks you picked up from work?’ ‘Looks like we’re going to have to improvise.’”

I swear I’m not making it up. That’s what's on the can and on the website—word for word. Those charming-looking polyps at the top of the foam are what can happen when you pour an overcarbonated beer into a mug. There’s an anise or fennel flavor in there, and it tastes strongly of alcohol, even though it’s only 7.0%. There’s something else in there, but I can’t quite place it—maybe that shit they put on your teeth at the dentist for an extra $24 that insurance won’t cover?

Updated 5/9/2020:
I came back to this one a day later, after popping one open and leaving it in the fridge right before we went to hike in the Yellowwood State Forest—but almost six hours later, it was still too carbonated. However, the anise-or-fennel flavor was no longer present. It’s probably more like tropical fruit and citrus, but still tastes strongly of alcohol. It’s also unfiltered as fuck, so there’s a shitload of yeast at the bottom of the can. That might be what’s making this one taste a little bit chalky, but I’m not sure.

198. Firestone Walker Brewing Company (Paso Robles, CA) - Mind Haze

“From the coast of California comes Mind Haze, a free-spirited beer made to elevate your perceptions—juicy yet balanced, hazy yet lasting, and loaded with an imaginative array of tropical hop flavors. In the words of brewmaster Matt Brynildson, ‘Mind Haze offers the best of what you expect from a hazy IPA. But we’re going about it a little differently, and that’s what gives Mind Haze its own unique signature. We’re finally ready to do a hazy IPA the Firestone way.’”

Remarkably similar to the New Holland beer I just had—but more interesting, in a way that I can’t quite pin down. Starts and finishes almost exactly the same, but the fruit is tropical and non-specific, with a little bit of lemon there as it starts to warm up.

197. New Holland Brewing Co. (Holland, MI) - Tangerine Space Machine

“Launch yourself into a whirlpool of hops and fruit. Space Machine’s haze lowers the bitterness of the beer while accentuating the galaxy hops’ fruit forward flavor.”

That had me expecting a sweet, heavy fruit bomb; but it's drier and lighter than that. In fact, it’s almost deceptively light when it’s cold, and the moderate alcohol doesn’t really announce itself until the beer begins to warm up. The tangerine flavor is very nice—strong, but not overpowering.

Deep Thoughts #198

If I have a canvas of all black and dark blue, and I wanted to add silver pinprick stars, would a detail round brush be the right way to go?

196. New Belgium Brewing Company (Fort Collins, CO) - Voodoo Ranger 1985

“Like totally loaded with juicy mango flavor, 1985 takes you back to the future of hazy IPAs. Buckle up.”

Citra, Simcoe, and Cascade with this one, so basically your standard hop configuration for an IPA—but it’s subtle, which is another surprising thing to say about Voodoo Ranger. I suppose that’s mango in there, but I think it could also be pineapple. Just doesn’t work for me the same way American Haze did.

Deep Thoughts #197

Is it bad of me that I have not actively consumed news yet in the month of May? Yes? Well, feel free to spin the Soundgarden song “Ty Cobb.”

195. New Belgium Brewing Company (Fort Collins, CO) - Voodoo Ranger American Haze

“With notes of passionfruit and freedom, American Haze is a supremely drinkable, juicy and unfiltered IPA brewed with all-American hops.”

The George W. Bush presidency left me with something of a sour taste in my mouth when it comes to the word “freedom,” at least as it pertains to instances in which it is thrown around like this—so it’s probably a good thing that the description wasn’t on the can and I had to wait until I got home to look it up, otherwise I might have passed on it. I was intrigued by the 5.0% ABV notation on the can—when it comes to the Voodoo Ranger series, that’s practically a session. None of the hops listed on the website has “pine” as one of the flavors they impart, but I taste strong pine up front and then a swirling mixture of tropical and citrus fruits on the back end. The Voodoo Ranger series is usually a bit too aggressive for me, but this one is just right.

194. Sun King (Indianapolis, IN) - Orange Vanilla Sunlight Cream Ale

“Orange Vanilla Sunlight Cream Ale combines smooth malt character with the flavors of vanilla and orange, with a crisp, clean finish.”

This seems like the sort of thing that I would like, but the orange and vanilla flavors are just too strong. They work well with the malty backbone of Sunlight, but I get almost none of the Sunlight flavor that I love.