Deep Thoughts #207

The curfew set me off, but I might have been cooking since I saw a Trump flag in Henry County. Not that I expected better from country folk.

Deep Thoughts #206

I was thinking about going back to consuming news tomorrow, but this curfew shit pissed me off so much that I may not be able to stomach it.

Deep Thoughts #205

So now we get a curfew. Are you fucking kidding me? Fuck you, Joe. Seriously. Fuck your mother and die. I may just end up voting Republican.

214. Centerpoint Brewing Company (Indianapolis, IN) - Bionic High Five

“Bionic High Five is an East coast hazy IPA brewed with pale, wheat, flaked oats, and biscuit malt. Hops are Amarillo, Lemon drop, and Sultana. Begins with notes of citrus, grapefruit, and lemon on the nose. Smooth, full mouthfeel with bready malt tones balance out this juicy IPA.”

I actually do get a little grapefruit on the nose, as well as some light citrus when I taste it. I don’t taste bready, exactly, but the malt does give it a nice bitter finish (which smooths out as it warms up). Very nice.

Deep Thoughts #204b

And most of you fucktards are going to vote for this monkey—again. This state sucks, and so do the many, many mental furballs who live here.

Deep Thoughts #204a

Eric Holcomb ought to be the one to help out the bars and restaurants in Bloomington, since he’s the one who fucked them in the first place.

213. Metazoa Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) - Foxy Lady

“This Double IPA was made in collaboration with Pink Boots Society Indianapolis. Hopped with a special Pink Boots hop blend, made up of Azacca, El Dorado, Idaho Gem, and Loral hops, this beer was created in celebration and support of women in beer.”

There’s something in there I can’t quite place, and it might be floral notes. I’m accustomed to tasting for fruit and pine, but flowers are still somewhat foreign. Definitely some tropical and stone fruit flavor and a finish that is, oddly enough, both sweet and dry. The high alcohol (8.0%) sharpens the finish just a touch—but that will become more pronounced as the beer warms up.

212. Metazoa Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) - Matriarch

“For this can collaboration, Metazoa Brewing Company is donating 5% of each 16 oz can sale to the Indianapolis Zoo in honor of its latest exhibit: Tembo Camp—a chance to experience the majesty and power of the elephant herd up close. Speaking of majesty, in honor of Tembo Camp’s coronation, we’ve hereby anointed this brew Matriarch. And like the queen leader of the elephant herd, our classic American Pale Ale leads a herd of hoppy flavors and citrus aromas while keeping everything safe from bitterness.”

Very light flavor and mouthfeel, and yet a pronounced citrus taste up front before an echo of pine and a dry finish. I prefer a more aggressive pale, but this is very well done. Also, it is worth noting that Metazoa is currently open for walk-up carry-out; they are not requiring customers to be masked if entering the premises; and they are accepting cash. That complete trifecta is not currently available at either Black Circle or Black Acre, and that is disappointing to me. Oh, and they have an excellent barbecue food truck in their parking lot Thursday through Sunday.

211. Daredevil Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) - Rip Cord

“An abundance of American hops balanced with a hint of malt to produce an exhilarating experience of intense hop flavors and aromas.”

Nice stone fruit and tropical fruit up front, but not overpowering. The high alcohol sharpens the finish a little, but it still doesn’t taste like a beer that weighs in at 9.0%. If you’re having the kind of day that badly needs to be un-fucked, one of these bad boys will do the trick.

Deep Thoughts #203

Has there been a study to determine how many morons in this country believe the things they believe only because Sean Hannity tells them to?

210. Brewery Bhavana (Raleigh, NC) - Pulp

“Galaxy hops lend a bright, vivacious, tropical tone to our signature body of malt, wheat, and oats. The resulting beer is a cinematic beauty: first juicy, then bitter, with a clean, dry finish.”

I’m not sure I’m any longer qualified to identify a cinematic beauty, having been out of work for over two months now, thanks to the fucking pussies who run this cunt of a city and this cunt of a state. And this is no pulp fiction, however that might translate to the world of beer. It’s an adequate pale ale, sharp from the alcohol (7.0%) as it warms up, and vaguely tropical. Probably juicy and delightful when it’s cold, but I only have the one—and it’s race day, so it’s hot as fuck up here.

209. Windmill Brewing (Dyer, IN) - Ludicrous Mode

“Fasten your seatbelts for Ludicrous Mode. A Double Pale Ale brewed w/ South African Southern Passion and Experimental XJA2/436 hops, with a pleasant Musk of guava, passion fruit, papaya, and melons. It’s sure to take your taste buds to space, land them back on Earth, and definitely not be Boring.”

So, it’s…tropical? When I was in Honduras last year, we visited a friend of the people we were traveling with, and the friend’s name was Luis. He’s a tilapia farmer, and he also grows papayas. While we were there, we picked some papayas right off the trees, and then took them back to his house and ate them. Probably the best papaya I ever ate in my life, and I still couldn’t tell you exactly what it tastes like. There might be some papaya in here, but I can’t pick it out. Definitely tropical, but nothing stands out; and musk is another one of those words like dank—words I’m still not sure you want to use when describing your beer.

208. The Guardian Brewing Company (Muncie, IN) - The Rez

“Our flagship IPA is decidedly hoppy and bitter with citrusy, floral, resinous overtones that are front and center, with a clean finish. Perfect for a day out on the lake or sitting around the campfire.”

Amy bought a bunch of candy to make Christmas treats last year, but she didn’t use all of it. One of the bags that she didn’t use was milk chocolate M&M’s with caramel inside, and that’s exactly what this beer tastes like. Pretty bitter on the back end, but I can’t decide if that’s good or bad. Can’t decide if I like the beer, either.

207. Black Acre Brewing Company (Indianapolis, IN) - Ol' Fritz

“A crisp German style sour wheat beer.”

Yes, and an almost perfect beer for quaffing when the sun is shining and it’s humid as fuck. I could go for a little more crisp and a little less sour, but that’s just me. (Or it’s been so long since I had a sour that I’m off my game somewhat.) Black Acre Garden has reopened for dine-in service, and the masked slinger who brought today’s libations told me that there would be multiple fruited versions of ‘Ol Fritz coming along later in the summer.

206. Indiana City Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) - Fourth Meal Fight

“The next installment in our Craft Brew Doodle Crew Series. Double Dry Hopped Hazy IPA featuring Comet, Zappa and Azacca hops.”

First time I’ve ever tasted a beer and thought immediately that what I was tasting was mango, so it’s either a very strong mango flavor, or I’m getting better at this. It also has a very stiff, bitter finish that sort of makes me feel like I should sit up and practice good posture. It also makes me wish I had more of them, but it was part of a random four-pack that contained four different beers. It gets sharper as it warms up, in a way that I don’t really dig. (And I’m sure that’s not really horseradish I taste there near the end—right?) It started out awfully well, but when I poured the last of the can, a shitload of yeast came out. I know that’s not bad, but it’s not particularly appealing, either. I normally love the Indiana City Craft Brew Doodle Crew beers, and I loved this one at first; but there’s so much sludge at the bottom of the mug that I may have to throw out the last little bit of this one. It also tastes much more strongly of alcohol as it warms up, so definitely drink this one very cold.

205. Big Lug Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) - Honest Weight

No description apart from “West Coast IPA” on what remains of the website they have gelded to capitulate to the demands of our new master, the coronavirus. The can says “American IPA,” which I’m sure means something to people who know more about beer than I do (but which sounds fucking ridiculous to me), as well as “Resin,” “Zest,” and “Balanced.” Mostly what I get is caramel cookie, with an impressively bitter finish—and maybe a little bit of that zest as it warms up. Not sure I like it, but it’s definitely interesting.

Deep Thoughts #202b

(You should probably take note of that previous fake tweet, because that’s the closest I’m ever going to get to sounding like a Republican.)

Deep Thoughts #202a

It would serve fucktard Joe Hogsett right if we all went on strike against the city of Indianapolis like the prime movers in Atlas Shrugged.

Deep Thoughts #201

A voice of reason, quoted in the IDS: “We just do what we can, but we can’t stay home and watch the world end.” Damn fucking straight, dude.

Deep Thoughts #200

I was stunned that any of these books that Lauren Groff admires were written by men. Am I too jaded or is that one of those “no shit” deals?

204. Deschutes Brewery (Bend, OR) - Lil’ Squeezy Juicy Ale

“Refreshingly juicy. Effortlessly drinkable. Freshly Squeezed. No fruit was harmed in the making of this beer.”

The website says that this one is gluten-reduced. I don’t know if I’ve ever had a beer that was gluten-reduced. (I sure as hell don’t care.) The website also says that this beer is supposed to be the little sister (“Lil’ Sista”) of their flagship Fresh Squeezed IPA, and that seems about right—much milder than Fresh Squeezed in every respect, but also much easier to drink.

203. Short’s Brewing Company (Elk Rapids, MI) - Psychedelic Cat Grass

“Psychedelic Cat Grass is a triple dry-hopped American India Pale Ale originally brewed for HopCat. Aromas of pineapple, mango, and grapefruit accompany the brews (sic) slightly hazy, pale orange color and lasting white head. A dry finish is preceded by balanced flavors of tropical fruit and bitter hops.”

That bitter’s not just in the finish; it’s pretty much holding your hand the whole way, but that’s not bad. It lets those tropical fruit flavors bounce around a little bit without actually running the asylum. It also masks the moderate alcohol (7.6%) somewhat, I think. (But then again, it took me almost two hours to drink two of them—so maybe it just wore off.)

202. Black Acre Brewing Company (Indianapolis, IN) - Stormblast Farmhouse Ale

“Filtered through alfalfa & fermented with a traditional Norwegian yeast. Effervescent with notes of tangerine, grapefruit, and dandelion.”

I have no idea what dandelion is supposed to taste like. I get more of a hint of the farmhouse yeast than I did in Dystopian Game Show, and less of the sharp grapefruit flavor. Still not quite funky, exactly, but definitely more in that direction—almost to the point of masking the fruit flavors, which are pretty subtle. I’m not sure if I like it or not; I might need to have a second in order to make up my mind, but two in a row doesn’t sound all that good to me at the moment. (And I still don’t know what dandelion is supposed to taste like.)

201. Single Cut Beersmiths (Queens, NY) - Jån Alpine White Lager

“The olfactory is working overtime, noting the distinct sweet citrus, delicate flowery herbal and complex citrus spice aromas and flavors of this lager. Smooth soft light malt, finishes very dry and clean with an orange zest bitterness. Perhaps our ultimate patio brew.”

Yeah, I didn’t know what I was getting into with this one. At Stoney’s, you step up to the door and tell someone standing behind a card table what you want to buy. You can’t go in anymore because fuck Eric Holcomb. Just inside the door, to the right, is a stack of cases of 16-ounce four-packs on sale for $4.99. Sometimes you can tell what they are, sometimes you can’t. Sometimes they are a mixed bag. I got a couple the last time I was there, and one of them turned out to be this Alpine white lager. It’s not bad, it’s just not really my thing. It’s got a light, peppery-coriander thing going on, and a nice orangey finish. This might be just the thing on a hot, sunny day after I mow the lawn; but today is not that day.

Deep Thoughts #199

If you require me to wear a mask, I will take my business elsewhere and boycott your establishment forever and ever, amen. Fuck off and die.

200. Sierra Nevada Brewing Co. (Chico, CA) - Hop Bullet

“Hops are the name of the game with a Double IPA, but we knew we had to take it one step further. With Hop Bullet, we’re using a new technique, hitting the beer with a one-two punch of Magnum hops and lupulin dust—pure, concentrated hop flavor—directly into the tank to emphasize the intense pine and citrus flavors of classic West Coast hops.”

Well, super. (I didn’t plan for #200 to be something as pedestrian as Sierra Nevada; that’s just the way it turned out. My bad.) Bitter can be hard to nail in just the right way, but I think they get it here. They actually get it really well. That’s one of the best bitter finishes I’ve ever tasted. That pine is really nice, too; and it leads down to a ripe, ruby red grapefruit flavor right at the end. Holy crap.

199. Hoof Hearted Brewing (Marengo, OH) - Permanent Marker Pen Disguises - UPDATED

“‘Falcon’ & ‘Bubblegum’ put considerable effort into ensuring the heist went off without a hitch. Completely cranked on oil cans of Thunderzone, they set forth with their plan. First things first, they synchronized their (s)watches. Diversionary tactics were discussed, and off-brand smoke bombs and whippersnapper firecrackers were the consensus. An important game of Rock, Paper, Scissors determined who would be the bag man and who would drive the get-away cloth-topped Lebaron. One banana would be spray-painted matte black and used in place of a gun. With burner phones nestled deep in the pockets of each leather duster, one Ronald Reagan + 1 Richard Nixon mask were all the that (sic) were left to apply. ‘Bubz,’ his cohort started, ‘where’s them masks you picked up from work?’ ‘Looks like we’re going to have to improvise.’”

I swear I’m not making it up. That’s what's on the can and on the website—word for word. Those charming-looking polyps at the top of the foam are what can happen when you pour an overcarbonated beer into a mug. There’s an anise or fennel flavor in there, and it tastes strongly of alcohol, even though it’s only 7.0%. There’s something else in there, but I can’t quite place it—maybe that shit they put on your teeth at the dentist for an extra $24 that insurance won’t cover?

Updated 5/9/2020:
I came back to this one a day later, after popping one open and leaving it in the fridge right before we went to hike in the Yellowwood State Forest—but almost six hours later, it was still too carbonated. However, the anise-or-fennel flavor was no longer present. It’s probably more like tropical fruit and citrus, but still tastes strongly of alcohol. It’s also unfiltered as fuck, so there’s a shitload of yeast at the bottom of the can. That might be what’s making this one taste a little bit chalky, but I’m not sure.

198. Firestone Walker Brewing Company (Paso Robles, CA) - Mind Haze

“From the coast of California comes Mind Haze, a free-spirited beer made to elevate your perceptions—juicy yet balanced, hazy yet lasting, and loaded with an imaginative array of tropical hop flavors. In the words of brewmaster Matt Brynildson, ‘Mind Haze offers the best of what you expect from a hazy IPA. But we’re going about it a little differently, and that’s what gives Mind Haze its own unique signature. We’re finally ready to do a hazy IPA the Firestone way.’”

Remarkably similar to the New Holland beer I just had—but more interesting, in a way that I can’t quite pin down. Starts and finishes almost exactly the same, but the fruit is tropical and non-specific, with a little bit of lemon there as it starts to warm up.

197. New Holland Brewing Co. (Holland, MI) - Tangerine Space Machine

“Launch yourself into a whirlpool of hops and fruit. Space Machine’s haze lowers the bitterness of the beer while accentuating the galaxy hops’ fruit forward flavor.”

That had me expecting a sweet, heavy fruit bomb; but it's drier and lighter than that. In fact, it’s almost deceptively light when it’s cold, and the moderate alcohol doesn’t really announce itself until the beer begins to warm up. The tangerine flavor is very nice—strong, but not overpowering.

Deep Thoughts #198

If I have a canvas of all black and dark blue, and I wanted to add silver pinprick stars, would a detail round brush be the right way to go?

196. New Belgium Brewing Company (Fort Collins, CO) - Voodoo Ranger 1985

“Like totally loaded with juicy mango flavor, 1985 takes you back to the future of hazy IPAs. Buckle up.”

Citra, Simcoe, and Cascade with this one, so basically your standard hop configuration for an IPA—but it’s subtle, which is another surprising thing to say about Voodoo Ranger. I suppose that’s mango in there, but I think it could also be pineapple. Just doesn’t work for me the same way American Haze did.

Deep Thoughts #197

Is it bad of me that I have not actively consumed news yet in the month of May? Yes? Well, feel free to spin the Soundgarden song “Ty Cobb.”

195. New Belgium Brewing Company (Fort Collins, CO) - Voodoo Ranger American Haze

“With notes of passionfruit and freedom, American Haze is a supremely drinkable, juicy and unfiltered IPA brewed with all-American hops.”

The George W. Bush presidency left me with something of a sour taste in my mouth when it comes to the word “freedom,” at least as it pertains to instances in which it is thrown around like this—so it’s probably a good thing that the description wasn’t on the can and I had to wait until I got home to look it up, otherwise I might have passed on it. I was intrigued by the 5.0% ABV notation on the can—when it comes to the Voodoo Ranger series, that’s practically a session. None of the hops listed on the website has “pine” as one of the flavors they impart, but I taste strong pine up front and then a swirling mixture of tropical and citrus fruits on the back end. The Voodoo Ranger series is usually a bit too aggressive for me, but this one is just right.

194. Sun King (Indianapolis, IN) - Orange Vanilla Sunlight Cream Ale

“Orange Vanilla Sunlight Cream Ale combines smooth malt character with the flavors of vanilla and orange, with a crisp, clean finish.”

This seems like the sort of thing that I would like, but the orange and vanilla flavors are just too strong. They work well with the malty backbone of Sunlight, but I get almost none of the Sunlight flavor that I love.