494. Wiseacre Brewing Co. (Memphis, TN) - Puffel

“At the dawn of Pangea and off the coast of the coast of an Archipelago that included Madagascar, New Zealand, and the Faroe Islands when reached by a ferry through a mystical portal to the center of earth you’d wind up in the upside down where Puffins, Pengwolfs and Porcas dominated air, land and sea. The temperature was always tropical winter with long sunny days and pillowy clouds of floof. Puffel hearkens this yesteryear of a supercontinent long forgotten with its cloudy cover, New Zealand bred Nelson Sauvin hops which bring cool climate white wine grape flavors, extreme fruitiness, passionfruit, and fresh crushed gooseberries. But beware! Hungry like the Pengwolf…it packs a deceptively potent punch.”

Um. And of course you know where I’m going to start; it’s the kind of writing that is so bad I’m glad I didn’t read it before I tried the beer. If I had never heard of Wiseacre and were trying to decide whether to try them based on the writing describing this beer, I would pass; and that would be unfortunate, both because this is a fine beer and because Wiseacre is a solid brewery. Fortunately, all I saw was the listing on the menu at Jockamo last week. I tried a different beer that day and didn’t get back to this one, but I found it at Total Wine when I was in search of something else. It’s a little too busy with fruit for me to single out anything specific—though this is not necessarily a bad thing. The high alcohol (9.0% ABV) adds a little bit of sharpness, but at the end of the day, this is a can of fruit cocktail; it ain’t bad, and it serves the purpose—but it should have been better, especially considering how good the other two Wiseacre beers I’ve tried have been.

493. Voodoo Brewing Co. (Meadville, PA) - Wynona’s Big Brown Ale

“Wynona’s Big Brown Ale is our big American Brown Ale. Generous amounts of Brown Malt coupled with our house yeast result in a robust and smooth ale with just enough bitterness to balance it out with a malty-rich backbone with notes of coffee, chocolate, and toffee.”

I’m not big on brown ales, but my buddy Shane knows more about beer than anyone else I know, and he loves them. Sometimes he blogs about them, and now and then those blog posts get my attention. (Yes, blogs still exist, and they are often still relevant; stop Tik-Tok-ing in the food court bathroom, you skanky ho-bag.) I went out in search of more of that Great Lakes Nosferatu from the other day, but Stoney’s doesn’t have it. They did, however, have this one; and yes, I bought it just because of the name. (And if it doesn’t mean anything to you…well, then I can’t help you.)

Actually, that’s not true; I can help you. LISTEN TO SOME FUCKING PRIMUS.

But back to the beer. It’s pleasantly boozy at 7.5%, and I get all three of the flavors they advertise on the website. It’s practically a porter, but I’m going to stick with brown ale so I can recommend it to Shane. The musical reference is excellent, the can art is excellent, and the beer is excellent. I could give a frog’s fat ass what they call it.

492. Garfield Brewery (Indianapolis, IN) - Garfield of Screams

“Fall is in the air which means our pumpkin ale is back on the board! A malty amber base with pureed [sic] pumpkin and spices make this beer THE fall beer.”

I’ve been wanting to try this place on the south side for a long time now, but we never seem to get down there. I was pleasantly surprised to find that they were one of the breweries set up with a tent in the parking lot of the corporate-coffee-chain-that-burns-its-beans-and-pretends-to-serve-quality-coffee during today’s Irvington Halloween Festival Street Fair. I could have done without the cinnamon sugar on the rim of the clear plastic Solo cup, but the beer was otherwise fine. More pumpkin than spice, but surprisingly flavorful for a 5.0% ABV brew, and very nice to walk around with.

491. Falls City Beer (Louisville, KY) - Ottofest

No description apart from the designation of being named after their original brewer, so we shall proceed with what I know about the Märzen style—which ain’t much; usually the words “malty” and “bready” come to mind, though there is not a whole lot going on up front here. There is a little bit of a yeasty aroma, and…okay, something of a bready taste. What’s more interesting to me is the very light hint of brown sugar on the back end. The scent and flavor of yeast take over by the end, though—to the point that it almost tastes like I’m drinking a ball of raw pizza dough. It doesn’t do anything to convert me to Märzen-ism (I seem to be on a pumpkin ale kick this fall), but it’s interesting enough to make me want to try another of its ilk—and that will happen tomorrow during my writing hour at Black Acre on my way home from work.

490. Great Lakes Brewing Co. (Cleveland, OH) - Nosferatu® Imperial Red IPA

“Don’t be afraid of things that go hop in the night! Rich roasted malt flavors haunt the shadows of our Imperial Red IPA’a bitter teeth.”

There’s a little bit of caramel-y malt flavor up front, and possibly a bit of spice, too. Then it fades into a dry finish that lingers sort of humorously as it tries to decide whether to be bitter or not. As it warms up, a little bit of ripe papaya starts to dance with the caramel-y malt flavor. This is the third Great Lakes brew I have tried, and when I go back to look at what I thought of the other two, I find that I mentioned papaya both times. I suspect that this cannot be a coincidence. It doesn’t remotely taste or drink like an imperial (which might be because it’s only 8.0% ABV, which is at the low end for an imperial), and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. This is one of the most interesting and complex beers I have tried in a long time—and it was a gift from by buddy Shane. Thanks, man.

489. Shipyard Brewing Company (Portland, ME) - Smashed Pumpkin

“A big-bodied beer with a pleasing aroma of pumpkin and nutmeg. Pale Ale, Wheat, and Light Munich malts combine with the natural tannin in pumpkin and the delicate spiciness of Saphir and Hallertau Hops to balance the sweetness of the fruit.”

Yes, and apparently I am more into pumpkin ales this year than I ever have been before. This one is exactly what it claims to be—a bigger and bolder version of its Pumpkinhead cousin. Remember when we were kids back in 1988 and everyone said Pumpkinhead was the scariest horror movie ever? Remember going to Phar-Mor way the hell out almost to fucking Cumberland and getting like three videos for a buck or whatever? And remember how Pumpkinhead wasn’t remotely scary? Yeah…that pissed me off. But you know what? I get to watch The Shining on the big screen, all by myself, after I get off work on Tuesday. I’ll have to kill an hour at, hopefully, Loom before I can come back and start the movie…but that’s one of the few perks of working at a movie theatre: I can come and go as I please, and watch whatever I want whenever I want. Oh…and the beer. It’s big and spicy—no, spiced—but it’s a bit much. Something between the two would be the shit.

488. BrewDog (Columbus, OH) - Fellowship

“For our latest collaboration, we’ve joined forces with one of the most legendary sagas of good vs. evil, The Lord of the Rings. Fellowship IPA: the one IPA to rule them all. This 5% Hazy IPA storms the gate with notes of pineapple, stone-fruit, mango and a touch of tangerine. Brewed with oats and wheat and left unfiltered for a smooth, juicy hit that’ll drive your tastebuds mad.”

Saw this on my buddy Shane’s Odyssey of Hops, and he was kind enough to gift me a can of it. I would like to have liked it more. The Lord of the Rings is probably my favorite novel (a close second would be Atlas Shrugged, which will prolly surprise those of you who know how ultra-liberal I am), and you would think that something like this would be right up my alley, but it’s too light. It’s also not nearly as busy as it claims to be; there is some fruit in there, and it’s just fine—but I don’t get anything specific. Not at all bad—but not at all interesting, either.

487. Tröegs Brewing Company (Hershey, PA) - Lucky Holler

“We taste: Tropical pineapple, citrus, passionfruit.”

Okay. I taste orange zest and a breathy whiff of alcohol up front. It was served very cold at the barbecue place we ate at in Logan, Ohio, on Monday night. I seem to recall liking it, but I’ve slept since then.

486. Brewery 33 (Logan, OH) - Army Angel

No description on the website or on Untappd, though the Untappd entry says 6.7% ABV and the can says 6.0% ABV. I get some very light melon flavors up front and a bit of a citrus shine on the back end. We went camping earlier this week in the Hocking Hills region of ultra-Trumpy rural southeast Ohio, and I got to try this place for the second time—though I did not get the chance, as I had hoped, of walking over to the brewery from our campground and writing for an hour while I drank two beers. I had to settle for one four-pack of carry-out tallboys when I walked over there the first day just to see if it was, in fact, walkable. This one is pretty good, though. Not a lot of flavor, but very smooth. I’ll be back to try something new before too long. We loved Hocking Hills the first time, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that it did not disappoint the second time—was, in fact, even better, despite being, as I said, in an ultra-rural part of the world where signs of evolution are few and far between.

485. Masthead Brewing Co. (Cleveland, OH) - Haunted Hayride Pumpkin Ale

“Our house pumpkin ale is brewed with pumpkin, cinnamon, nutmeg and ginger.”

There’s some of that spice up front, and it’s accentuated a little bit by a whiff of the moderate alcohol (7.3%); but I don’t get much in the way of pumpkin. I was hoping for some bold flavors to go with that intriguing booziness, but it wasn’t bad.

484. Shipyard Brewing Company (Portland, ME) - Pumpkinhead Ale

“Pumpkinhead is a crisp, refreshing wheat ale with delightful aromatics and subtle spice flavor. To celebrate the fall season, we enhance the pumpkin flavor with a proprietary blend of spices including cinnamon and nutmeg. A proper pint of Pumpkinhead is served in a pint glass rimmed with sugar and cinnamon and often accompanied by a shot of spiced rum or vanilla vodka.”

This one I tried at American Smokehouse Stadium yesterday evening after Amy and I racked up 16,000 steps hiking in the two state parks near Jeffersonville (Falls of the Ohio and Charlestown), and though they did have it on tap and served it in a pint glass, no other parts of that last sentence were offered—and I’m not sure that they would have added anything to the experience; the beer was just fine on its own. It had a nice balance of light pumpkin flavor up front and nice spice notes on the back end. It also had fairly low carbonation (or just wasn’t pouring very well yesterday). The website advertises versions called Smashed Pumpkin (9.0%) and Smashed Pumpkin Bourbon Barrel Aged (10.5%), both of which sound lovely. The regular Pumpkinhead is delightful, but at 4.5%, it’s just a little too light.

483. Moody Tongue Brewing Company (Chicgo, IL) - Sliced Nectarine IPA

“The inspiration for the Sliced Nectarine IPA came in the form of a summer farmers market and the abundance of fresh fruits and produce. The resulting IPA showcases a bright tropical aroma of stone fruits that balances the grapefruit acidity of the Chinook hops. The beer’s crisp profile refreshes and delights taste-buds and craves pairings such as slow-roasted pork shoulder or a slice of warm peach pie.”

I’m a sucker for nectarine, so when I saw this on the tap list at a place called Harbor & Hops near the hotel where we stayed in Jeffersonville the last couple of days, I was sure I would try it if we wound up there. Alas, both the beer and the restaurant were disappointing. The beer is very light and smooth, with maybe a faint nectarine flavor up front and more of a general stone fruit character on the back end. I didn’t read the description until just now, but I would not have guessed that it had any kind of grapefruit flavor. Most of the beers at the restaurant were overpriced, but this one, at $9 for a pint, was especially so. Fortunately, both the beer and restaurant choices were better on day two. You shall hear.

482. Traders Brewing Company (Indianapolis, IN) - 1st Team All Juicy

“Hazy Pale ale flavored and dry hopped with Citra hops and infused with citrus.”

Oh, yes indeed. It’s grapefruity and piney up front, with a mild, dry finish; and that by itself would be enough to make it a winner, but that’s not all it’s going to do for you. As it warms, the bright flavor of orange zest begins to rise, and there might even be a little hint of peach at the end. Absolutely spectacular. My brother-in-law loves this place and talks it up to me all the time, but it’s way the hell across town for me and I never had the chance to stop in until last weekend, in the space between when I got off work and when I had to be at Zionsville High School for Jackson’s choir concert. The taproom is kind of hard to find and not especially homey—but this is the kind of beer that could make someone want to drive all the way across town.

481. Traders Brewing Company (Indianapolis, IN) - Pumpkin Ale 22’

“Seasonal ale brewed with lactose, cinnamon, nutmeg, and all spice [sic].”

The pumpkin and spice flavors are very light, and the lactose makes the whole thing very smooth—but not sweet. Those light spice flavors linger as the beer warms, but the subtle taste of pumpkin fades. It’s not bad, but it’s not great, either.

480. Brew Link Brewing Company (Plainfield, IN) - Ivory

“A white what??? This award winning white stout is a mind blowing ale that looks like a blonde ale yet has all of the flavors from a stout. Chocolate, vanilla and coffee along with oats are added through the brewing process allowing it to stand up to any stout around!”

Okay…but the copy on the taproom menu says, “Golden stout AKA mind f%$k stout with chocolate, vanilla and coffee. Think Tootsie Roll in a glass.” I was headed for another of their IPAs for my second beer when I double-checked the menu and saw the bit about Tootsie Roll in a glass. Not sure I would have gotten there on my own, but I like to read the descriptions and have an idea of what I’m getting into when I try a new beer. The coffee flavor is very faint, if it’s even there; but the chocolate is moderately strong up front right after it’s poured. The longer it sits, the more the vanilla comes to the fore. The balance and complexity are impressive.

479. Brew Link Brewing Company (Plainfield, IN) - Cropduster

“American IPA featuring some dank experimental Solero, Helios and Altus hops.”

I took my mom to a doctor’s appointment this afternoon out at the IU-Riley complex, and I had some time to kill, so I stopped in at the Indianapolis outpost of Plainfield’s Brew Link Brewing Company, near Walnut and Capitol, where Two Deep Brewing lived before they folded. I am apparently too lazy today to look up those three hops, so I’m just going to guess that they impart traditional “hop” flavor, along with some light pine and citrus. The finish is pleasantly bitter when it’s cold, and drifts more toward dry as it warms. It’s clean, crisp, and very pleasant, with the kind of flavor and body profile I would love to find in a session, and almost never do.

Deep Thoughts #300

Samuel Alito is also piece of shit; but at least the cunt who married him has the sense to keep her ignorant right-wing mouth the fuck shut.

Deep Thoughts #299

Clarence Thomas is a piece of shit. You married him. Why the fuck should anyone with a brain ever believe anything you have ever said since?

478. Indiana City Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) Kickoff Peach Blueberry

“Hazy Pale Ale featuring whirlpool and double dry hop additions of Citra and Azacca hops and fruited with real peach and blueberry.”

Which appears to differ from the original Kickoff mostly because of the peach and blueberry. There is a small hint of ripe fruit flavor up front, of both peach and blueberry when it’s cold and drifting toward more prevalent peach as it warms—but you’re not going to remember either of them because of the gut punch of bitter, not just on the back end, but about halfway down the throat. I won’t go quite so far as saying it’s bad, but it’s too bitter for me—and that, I believe, is saying something. It takes away from what is otherwise an interesting beer—richer, fruitier, and more full-bodied than the original Kickoff. (It should perhaps be noted that these are my first impressions from a cold beer out of the can. Could be a whole different ball game when I pour one into the mug.)

Upon further review, it is not a whole different ball game. It’s even worse when I pour it into a mug, and this is because I can see it. The first one I poured into the mug was almost all blueberry purée—and it was thick. I had to pour it out. The next one wasn’t quite as bad, but still had a good bit of sludge at the bottom of the can. I don’t know if the picture is going to do it justice or not, but when it’s poured into a mug, it looks like bad chocolate milk. I’m hoping this is just a bad batch (and bad luck for me, at $15.99 for four tallboys), but if it’s not, and this is the way it’s supposed to be—then this is the worst beer I have ever had the misfortune to drink.

Note: I actually sent them an email to let them know that a bad batch might be out there. Should they reply with anything that might have bearing on what I have said here, I shall update my remarks.