629. Big Lug Brewing Co. (Indianapolis, IN) - Gatekeeper

The descriptions are all over the place, so instead we’re just going to shoot from the hip on this one. It’s possibly the richest coffee stout I have ever tasted. The coffee flavor hits up front, and then lingers into the dry finish on the back end. The can says 6.66% ABV (which I can totally appreciate), and it sort of feels like it. Everything smooths out as it warms, and it remains one of the best stouts I have ever had—and easily the best Big Lug joint I have ever had.

Deep Thoughts #346

Talking monkeys who pay to see movies like Witches of Oz 2 need to be electrocuted in front of their inbred, ICEE-drinking living abortions.

Deep Thoughts #345

You bought a ticket for Witches of Oz 2 on Fandango, you can’t find your QR code, and you want me to fix it? Fuck off and die, inbred bitch.

Cinema Observations #8

The last person to leave last night was a cunt who fell asleep watching Witches of Oz 2. She had her laptop open and her skanky-ass bare feet up on her seat and the seat in front of her. This is why Wicked movies should be coat-hanger aborted as soon as they register a heartbeat.

628. Left Hand Brewing Co. (Longmont, CO) - Peanut Butter Milk Stout

“Rhythm and Blues. Batman and Robin. Peanut Butter and Chocolate. These classic duos never go out of style. Enter Peanut Butter Milk Stout. We took the pure milk chocolate bliss of our classic Milk Stout and added peanut buttery goodness. It’s like an adult peanut butter cup you can drink. It’s rich and decadent on the palate and lusciously lingers into a nutty, dry finish. A perfect pair you’ll want to share.”

Um. Since the writing is fucking terrible, I’m going to ignore the description. The first little taste of the beer, though, was pure magic—possibly the most peanut butter flavor I have ever experienced in a beer. Unfortunately, the peanut butter part gets lost in the other milk stout bits upon subsequent sips and as the beer warms. It’s also a touch too sweet for the ABV (6.2%). Not bad, by any means—but no match for Peanut Butter Busted Knuckle, either.

627. Brewery 33 (Logan, OH) - CCC Coconut Cream Ale

“Smooth cream ale with coconut flavors.”

Tried this in the taproom a couple of days ago, and it was the best first sip of a beer I have had in a long time. There was light coconut flavor up front, and then the back end filled in with the almost-vanilla smoothness of a fine cream ale. The second one in the taproom the next day wasn’t as good as the first, but became more interesting as it warmed. The two out of the crowler (one last night at the cabin and one today after we got home and the bottle had bounced around in the car for four hours), also were not as good as the first—but contained echoes of that excellence. This place has come a long way since the first time we visited, four years ago while the world was still shitting the bed. That time, there wasn’t anything for Amy to drink, so I only had one beer and got some cans to go. This time, Amy tried a flight of mead and really enjoyed it. Just be sure to plan your visit for when it’s nice enough to sit outside, because the inside space is small and the bartenders can be surly.

626. Short’s Brewing Company (Elk Rapids, MI) - Pure Michigan® Fall IPA

“When fall arrives the air changes. You can smell it before you see the leaves start to change. And by the time the rolling glacial hills of our backyard finally explode with color so splendiferous you can see it from space, the harvest of the hops and malts we use in our Products of Passion is well underway. It’s tough to pick a favorite season, but fall is pure magic in Pure Michigan®.”

Um. That’s from the can; what they have on the website is only marginally better. Strong flavor of pine, especially as it warms. There’s also something soft and fruity that I can’t quite pin down. I’m going to go with stone fruit and maybe a tiny sliver of lemon zest. Another excellent Short’s joint.

625. Lakefront Brewery (Milwaukee, WI) - Pumpkin Lager

“Real pumpkin and pie spice join Munich and caramel malts in our brewhouse, then lager for four weeks in our cellar, and come together with all the flavors of a lush pumpkin pie.”

And on the can it says, “Lager brewed with real pumpkin, cinnamon, allspice, ginger, nutmeg, cloves and mace.” I think I can taste the mace. (This is a bad joke, which means it has a good chance of being confirmed as the next Secretary of Defense.) The cinnamon leads the way and sort of buries everything else, but the general effect is solid; and all of that baking spice imparts an unusually dry finish for a lager. The 6.1% ABV is just icing on the cake. I haven’t made a list of the best pumpkin beers I’ve tried, but this would have to be top five.

624. Little Kings (Cincinnati, OH) - Cream Ale

I seem to remember being a young child once, and that my uncle from California did not come around much. When he did, and he came to our house (double down on the “did not come around much”), I seem to recall that he sometimes brought six of these to share with my dad. I might be misremembering that; but there are very few people left alive on Earth who could say for sure that I am. Regardless, my dad and my uncle both enjoyed beer; and I am almost positive that this is one they enjoyed together at some time in the past. I’ve always sort of wanted to try one, so here we are; and it tastes just fine, though with all of the memories kicking around in the background of it, I would probably dote on it even if it tasted like cat piss. (It does not.)

623. Dogfish Head (Milton, DE) - Punkin Ale

“A full-bodied brown ale brewed with real pumpkin, brown sugar, allspice, nutmeg & cinnamon. Enjoy smooth pumpkin & fall spices.”

Oddly light for its 7% ABV, but the flavors work well together. This and the previous two came from the same variety pack and were all just a tad too carbonated. It’s possible I have come to like seasonal pumpkin ales too much, and have therefore ratcheted my expectations up to an unrealistic degree. I’m not sure if this beer is disappointing or if it’s just not quite as good as the previous two. (But again, I have two more cans and will almost certainly revisit.)

622. Dogfish Head (Milton, DE) - Raison D’Etre

“First released in 1995 at our brewpub, Raison D’Etre is a deep mahogany, Belgian-style ale brewed with beet sugar, raisins & a sense of purpose. Enjoy the complex fruits & rich maltiness that make this beer so distinct.”

This is a spectacular combination of flavors that almost tastes like the oatmeal with raisins that my mom used to make for breakfast when I was a kid. It opens up beautifully as it warms, and the high ABV (8%) balances the sweetness from the raisins and the beet sugar very well. Not sure it needs the Belgian yeast with everything else that’s going on; but I’ve got two more cans from the variety pack, so maybe we’ll revisit.

621. Dogfish Head (Milton, DE) - Chicory Stout

“First released in 1995 at our brewpub, Chicory Stout is a rich, dark brew smoothed out with a touch of roasted chicory, licorice root, and coffee. Enjoy its bold flavor and notes of roasted coffee.”

I was oddly sort of hoping for a moderate hit of licorice up front, but I’m not getting it with this first one. I don’t get a lot of coffee flavor, either—but the bitterness from the chicory and the coffee give it a nice finish. The 5.2% ABV is a nice change of pace; I don’t necessarily think that a bold, flavorful stout also needs to be big and boozy every time.

620. Rogue Ales (Newport, OR) - Berry Blonde

“Among Oregon’s tangled vines and brambles thrive the sweet marionberries and juicy plums that burst forth in our Berry Blonde Ale. This berry blonde ale presents a refreshing blend of marionberry and plum flavors, balanced by a light biscuity malt backbone and subtle floral hops. With a clean finish, it offers a delightful harmony of fruity sweetness and crisp drinkability.”

It’s both sweet and dry, with a strong fruit flavor that suggests a perfect combination of the tart marionberry and the sweet plum. The blonde ale backbone lets the fruit steal the show while the beer is cold, and then makes its slightly malty voice heard once the beer starts to warm. Very well done.

Deep Thoughts #344

Keith Olbermann used to have a bit called “Worst Person in the World.” But with Adolfs Musk and Trump both alive, how can you pick just one?

Deep Thoughts #343

The sun will supernova before all you Trumpy sister-fuckers cotton to the fact that your rapist savior has been lying to you the whole time.

Deep Thoughts #342

And of course, by severe consequences, Tangerine Rapist means that he will be running for President in Russia after we kick his fat ass out.

Deep Thoughts #341

It is so not surprising that monkeys who would vote for Donald Trump also provide most of whatever it is that Large Language Models “learn.”

619. DuClaw Brewing Co. (Ewing, NJ) - Sweet Baby Pumpkin!

“Nothing says fall is here like pumpkin spice lattes [sic] taking over every coffee shop in America. Now it’s taking over your favorite brewery too! The new addition to the ‘Sweet Baby’ family combines pumpkin spice flavor and notes of coffee in a smooth and creamy porter.”

(I’m not sure if this counts as a New Jersey beer or a Maryland beer, and I’m not going to waste your time with semantic quibbles. DuClaw [Rosedale, MD] was apparently acquired by River Horse [Ewing, NJ], but I’m not finding much in the way of useful information on either of their websites. I’m going with New Jersey, which makes it my first New Jersey beer and gets me to 32 states. If I have misapprehended the beer’s provenance, I will be glad to update the entry.)

Okay, and now that we have that shit out of the way, were we talking about a beer? Yes, we were; and there is some very nice pumpkin aroma on the nose, but everything else they are shooting for gets a little bit lost on the palate. I don’t really get much of any particular flavor, and the whole thing feels a little thin—even after it warms up.

618. Sun King (Indianapolis, IN) - State Fair Cotton Candy

“State Fair Cotton Candy balances the sweet summer flavors of Blue Cotton Candy with a crisp character in celebration of the Indiana State Fair.”

There’s a flavor there that might be cotton candy, but I can’t remember the last time I had cotton candy, so I can’t be sure. If it’s not cotton candy, then it’s something close that pushes the same basic nostalgia button. The flavor was moderately strong up front but didn’t linger much for me on the back end, and the beer was not at all sweet. The sessionable 4% ABV was just right for a sultry day at the state fair, and the lurid teal color made me feel like I was drinking something exotic and rare at Quark’s bar on Deep Space Nine. Not bad, but not nearly as good as the caramel corn ale from 2022.

Deep Thoughts #340

I’m somewhat shocked that Roger Penske said no to Republicans. I hope he sues the racist fucks until they bleed from their assholes and die.

616. Kismetic Beer Company (Indianapolis, IN) - Oatmeal Stout

“Stout, although one of my favorite styles to drink, is rarely on my brewing schedule. That is about to change. Inspired by a conversation with the team [at Fort George Brewing], we decided to do a series of stout and really explore what the style has to offer. This first offering is brewed with 2-row barley, Caramunich, Carafa Special 1 and 3, Midnight wheat, and rye. Hopped with Magnum and Hersbrucker. Mashed hot with an extended 2 hour boil. Aromas of toffee and dark fruits, with notes of coffee and chocolate. Rich and full on the palate, with sweet caramel and cocoa covered raisin notes balanced by a dry and roasty finish.”

I had a hard time making up my mind about this one. It doesn’t have the smooth mouthfeel up front that I have come to associate with oatmeal stouts, and the overall body of the beer is not as rich as same. But it’s growing on me. There are roasty chocolate malt elements and hints of dried fruit; and it does react well to being able to warm up and breathe a little bit. The style is perhaps not Ryan’s strong suit, but he still makes a pretty good one.

Deep Thoughts #339

Of course, all you Republicans are uninformed inbred shit. Go back to the barnyard and die before you pox the educated with your hell spawn.

Deep Thoughts #338

You aren’t a real American…you took steroids and fucked on tape…you are not at all American…you fucking Republican piece of uninformed shit.

Deep Thoughts #337

Hulk Hogan raped his own legacy when he endorsed Adolf Trump. Hogan was not a “Real American.” He was a puppet, like all modern Republicans.

Cinema Observations #7

A woman approached the concession stand and said, “Two for Batman.” The schlep with her said, “Superman.” She looked back and said, “Superman, Batman, they’re all the same.” The comic book geek in me died a little, but I did not decapitate her, even though she richly deserved it.

Deep Thoughts #336

Donald…go fuck yourself. J.D….go fuck yourself. Samuel, Clarence, Amy, Neil, Brett, and John…go fuck each other and then go fuck yourselves.

617. New Belgium Brewing Company (Fort Collins, CO) - Grape Fizz Ale

“Grape Fizz Ale first hits you with a pop of juicy grape candy aroma that will transport you straight to those nostalgic purple sodas from back in the day. Golden limes (aka Calamansi fruit) and golden sour ale provide a light tartness that’s balanced by sweet Concord grape juice for a crisp, crushable, effervescent finish and 5% ABV.”

Also, the can says that it’s colored with fruits and vegetables. This was part of a variety 12-pack that I picked up because I wanted to try something that isn’t an IPA for a change. The first one, out of the can, was too tart; but the second one, poured into a mug, was a little better. It’s still too tart, but maybe it can breathe a little more in a mug. I don’t know. I appreciate what they’re going for, but they don’t quite get there; the expression “sour grapes” is an expression for a reason. I’m not sure there’s a good way to go here. You want something like this to be crushable, but you also need it to lean more toward the sweet than the sour. In order to balance that sweetness, you need to raise the ABV; and if I were going to err in one direction or the other, that would be the way I’d go. A less sour version of this in the 7-8% ABV range would be spectacular.

Deep Thoughts #335

Now, who would guess that a right-wing misogynist with Donald Trump’s dick in his mouth would be a liar? Only any primate with half a brain.

Deep Thoughts #334

If the talking abortion and failed businessman you Retardlicans voted for told a story that wasn’t fictional—that would be some actual news.

Cinema Observations #6

The first group through the gates today was an asshole and the thirteen chimps he was pretending to supervise. He bought each of them a large popcorn and a large ICEE. Did they make an unholy fucking mess? Of course they did. That’s how inbreeds learn to Make America Great Again.

Deep Thoughts #333b

No, this isn’t a problem in the U.S. But Republicans will be all over it. They criminalize anything that isn’t blonde, blue-eyed, and Aryan.

Deep Thoughts #333a

Just have Adolf Trump threaten to deport screwworms—or increase their tariffs. That’s how unqualified Republicans attempt to solve problems.

615. New Holland Brewing Co. (Holland, MI) - The Poet

“Oats bring a creaminess and soft mouthfeel to the roast malt character in our classic oatmeal stout. The Poet is a perfect representation of balance and one of America’s leading oatmeal stouts.”

Yes, and when you have one of those days that makes you feel like you can do anything, you might, the night before on the way home from The Old Juke Joint, have bought a variety 12-pack of the same beers you took to the park for your son’s high school graduation party last month; and The Poet might have been the first one you opened when you went upstairs to work a little bit just now. It’s all a coincidence so far, but then you go back into the Scrivener project that contains a bunch of poems you have been working on; and you look at the most recent one, which also makes reference to the graduation party (and all that fancy sausage you bought at Claus’); and that’s the one you wanted to work on, because when you have good days like this you feel charitable, and expansive. It’s no longer a coincidence, of course, that this post is more of a prose poem than it is a blog post about beer. You don’t know exactly what turns prose into poetry, but sometimes poems speak to you; and sometimes it’s fun to try and write them. Sometimes an oatmeal stout is better than an IPA; this is one of those days.

Deep Thoughts #332

Too bad there isn’t a real Batman with 86 stamped on one of those electrified Batarangs in his utility belt. (Read the article in the link.)

Cinema Observations #5

If you think it’s a good idea to buy yourself and your three little urchins three ICEEs, six boxes of candy, and a large popcorn with butter, then you’re too fucking stupid to have kids. (Too bad a superhero can’t travel back in time and prevent the tragedy of your reproduction.)

Cinema Observations #4

When you force your mainstream, fat-ass, Croc-wearing customters into buying large popcorns and large drinks because you eliminated the medium popcorns and medium drinks, then it can’t possibly be a surprise when your concession per caps shoot up into the $6- and $7-dollar range.

Cinema Observations #3

Some oblivious ass clown almost backed into me this afternoon while he was flailing about trying to read the menu board. You can imagine my fucking complete surprise when I discovered that he was holding one of the mini-one-sheets for Mission: Impossible 8 that we’re giving away.

Cinema Observations #2

The air conditioning isn’t working in cinemas 3 and 6. We’re supposed to tell the mainstream asswipes that it’s because we’re waiting on approval from above for needed repairs. That’s a lie. The truth is that our idiotically mismanaged dying excuse for a company is fucking broke.

Cinema Observations #1

The next Mission: Impossible 8-watching mainstream jackoff who looks at me sweeping up a popcorn spill while they are waddling toward their auditorium and then says, “You’ve done that before,” is getting locked in a hotel room with Donald Trump, Puff Daddy, and a pound of peyote.

Deep Thoughts #331

Is it just the Trumpy inbreeds who have no relationship with grammar, punctuation, and facts? Or is it all brain-dead social media fuckwads?

Deep Thoughts #330

Also, 86 does not just mean “to kill.” Donny Jr. must know that, and yet he can’t resist being a reactionary asshole. Like father, like son.

Deep Thoughts #329

Those right-wing Nazi jackoffs should love James Comey. His botched handling of the Hillary Clinton email fiasco helped Trump “win” in 2016.

Deep Thoughts #328

NPR needs federal funding because it does not advertise. Sheep like Jim Banks know that; the uneducated shit stains who support them do not.

Deep Thoughts #327

Anyone who needs to be told that Samuel Alito is a jackoff piece of shit has probably already demonstrated that they are a mental defective.

614. Tailgate Brewery (Nashville, TN) - Dough: Oatmeal Creme Pie

“Brewed with handmade oat clusters, this full bodied ale is packed with flavors of toasted oats, caramel, molasses, vanilla, and a hint of baking spice.”

Picked this up while we were in Nashville last month, and the first one tasted freakishly like a Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pie; but I drank that first one in Nashville and the other three at home, and none of the latter tasted quite as good as the first. With that one, I got the exact taste of the “creme” in the middle of one of the Little Debbie treats, right up front, and then the baking spice and oatmeal on the back end. With the subsequent three, the flavors seemed more homogenized—not bad at all, but not the same nostalgic gut punch as the first one. Maybe it has something to do with the Nashville air.

Deep Thoughts #326b

And then the idiot gerbils can’t manage to tag the correct place when they jump on social media to complain to their fellow mental furballs.

Deep Thoughts #326a

By standing up to a couple of lying MAGA jackoffs, the Chatterbox staff demonstrated the kind of integrity that traitorous Republicans lack.

Deep Thoughts #325

Spot the example of yet another Trumpy jackoff and its xenophobia in this article. The author correctly makes it sound like the idiot it is.

Deep Thoughts #324

It just occurred to me that someone needs to figure the over/under for when ICE officially turns into the American version of the Nazi’s SS.

Deep Thoughts #323

Here is yet another sign that these talking MAGA abortions are uninformed, uneducated jackoffs. I am, once again, totally fucking surprised.

613. Kismetic Beer Company (Indianapolis, IN) - Watermelon Mint Gose

“Our take on a gose-style kettle sour, with additions of pink sea salt, and both cold and hot steepings of Nelson’s Tea Watermelon Mint rooibos blend. Notes of mint and tropical fruit on the nose, sour and herbal, salty and refreshing.”

Moderate flavor of herbal mint up front, with just a hint of watermelon, and a light sour taste. As the beer warms, the watermelon flavor becomes a little more pronounced and the mint gets a bit lighter. Sours are definitely one of Ryan’s strong suits, and this one might well be the best of the lot.

Deep Thoughts #322e

Of course, if it turns out that all Republicans are Nazis, I won’t be surprised; those fucks have been Nazis since Barack Obama was elected.

Deep Thoughts #322d

I don’t think all Republicans are Nazis. I imagine most of them were raised badly by bad parents who were too fucking stupid to know better.

Deep Thoughts #322c

President Musk is playing Donald Trump like a two-dollar banjo, and the stupid tangerine monkey can’t understand what the fuck is happening.

Deep Thoughts #322b

(For the simpletons out there—meaning most of the Republicans of course—that does mean that I think Musk is a Nazi and Trump is its puppet.)

Deep Thoughts #322a

Have the oddsmakers out there set the over/under on when President Musk is going to order his Orange Lackey to send troops to invade Poland?

Short's Brewing Company - Holiday Battle Plan

Amy and I went to Bloomington for a three-day weekend recently, and on our way back to the hotel after we went shopping on the west side, we stopped at the big Big Red (if you went to IU, you know what I mean) for drinks for the room, and I came across a 12-pack from Short’s with this Home Alone theme. The four beers inside are named after scenes or lines from the film, and they are all in the good-but-not-great range; but getting the descriptions from the website was a lot of fun, and I genuinely can’t remember if I have ever enjoyed the non-beer aspects of a 12-pack of beer quite this much. I love the film, and I’m sure that’s part of it; but whoever came up with this idea was all in, and I think that’s pretty fucking cool.

608. Short’s Brewing Company (Elk Rapids, MI) - Oh Kay
“Just your average, hazy, piney, ctirusy, fruity, IPA here. Nothing to see. Just driving around in our blue, beat up, panel van, ready to tackle your plumbing and heating needs. Definitely not cat burglars about to rob your house or anything. Don’t worry, you’re in good hands.”

This is just a few ABV points shy of being spectacular. There’s a respectable balance between West Coast pine and citrus and East Coast stone fruit, but it leans just a bit toward the smoother, sweeter East Coast style and feels like it should clock in somewhere between 6% and 7% rather than the 5.8% where it actually lands.

609. Short’s Brewing Company (Elk Rapids, MI) - Thirsty for More
“You’ve finally got yourself into the house. You’ve kicked your shoes off (or lost them thanks to some tar on the basement steps), set your hat down (or had it burned off by a blow torch), and you’re ready for a tall, cold glass of dry hopped lager, a noseful of citrus and melon with a slightly bready malt aftertaste. Its [sic] almost like someone thwacked you in the head with a paint can of delight. Definitely not giving up. Definitely Thirsty for More.”

Also well balanced, though I was unfamiliar with the New Zealand style of lager until I looked it up. Turns out it’s basically the same as India Pale Lager, like Black Acre’s Natural Liberty; and that means—lagers with flavor. In this case, that would be light fruit flavors and a surprisingly dry finish. At only 5.1%, it’s practically sessionable. Not as nearly great as Oh Kay, but pretty good.

611. Short’s Brewing Company (Elk Rapids, MI) - Junk and Rubbish
“You’ve made your family disappear, time to pop in Angels with Filthy Souls, throw on a napkin bib, and pour yourself a ginormous mug of Junk and Rubbish, our cool, cool cocoa and marshmallow stout. Cocoa, vanilla and marshmallow are paired with sweet, toasted maltiness for a rich, creamy, full mouthfeel—reminiscent of hot cocoas and overflowing sundaes. Topping it with excessive amounts of marshmallows, candy, chocolate syrup is also, um, a choice you could make? (Crunch Gators are the preferred side, BTW.)”

Robust chocolate flavor up front, which works well with the 7.5% ABV. (The can refers to it as a double chocolate stout.) I don’t taste marshmallow or vanilla, but I suspect they are there, because there is a smoothness to the chocolate flavor that almost has to come from the addition of something sweeter. It’s oddly playful, and I think the best of the four beers in this package.

612. Short’s Brewing Company (Elk Rapids, MI) - Silver Tuna
“Of all the beers in the pack, this one is is [sic] THE ONE, Marv. It’s very ‘G.’ It’s got lots of top flight goods. Orange, tart cranberry, subtle hints of mulling spices. A little sour? You bet. Who knows. Its [sic] a gem. Hand me a crowbar. Crowbars up!”

Moderately sour up front, with the orange and cranberry flavors coming together in the middle and then fading into a lingering hint of spice on the back end. Very well done.

610. Moontown Brewing Company (Whitestown, IN) - Tippecanoe River

“Time to celebrate our beautiful state during the changing seasons with our next exploration in our Pints for Parks series! Our 12th journey in our series takes us just a bit north to Winamac to Tippecanoe River State Park. It’s always a great time to get outside, but especially this time of year with the changing of the leaves and when you can have a delicious West Coast IPA as your trail partner. Built with our steadfast Sugar Creek Malt Co pilsner malt, creating a lovely clean malt profile, balanced out on the hot side by Simcoe, and loaded with Citra, Strata, and Nectaron hops throughout whirlpool and the two rounds of dry hopping. The trip down this river is incredibly fragrant boasting intense tropical fruits and citrus blended with some dank. This ride is smooth and clean with a nice bitterness, finishing crisp. Get your paddle and let’s go have some fun. Thank you for continuing to support our state parks, cheers to the great outdoors!”

Sharp and bitter up front, with pine and stone fruit and a nice clean finish when it’s good and cold. Definitely a West Coast IPA, but with just a hint of East Coast in there, too. I’m sort of up and down on their other beers, but their Pints for Parks beers (much like the Craft Brew Doodle Crew IPAs from the late, lamented Indiana City) are spectacular.