1.20.09 (Or, Rising Unemployment Is Not Always A Bad Thing)

There was a headline on the news tonight that asked if the expectations were perhaps too high for President Obama. Well, of course the expectations are too high. Unless he takes the oath of office, strolls down to the mall, and walks across the reflecting pool while snapping his fingers and chucking fishes and loaves at the adoring onlookers...if that happens, then it’s possible he’ll be able to live up to the expectations that have been building for his presidency since November 4th.

He’s not going to fix everything. He may not even fix most things. Hell...he may not even actually fix one single thing. But there will be improvement. If he can manage to keep from obstructing the work of Congress, there will be improvement; if he reverses President Bush’s policies on science, particularly on embryonic stem cells, there will be improvement; if he can help Israel and Hamas maintain the cease-fire, which is currently about as stable as Ron Kovic on a tightrope, there will be improvement. And so on.

Hell...if he can convince the morons running the BCS to peel one game off the regular season schedule, reduce the number of bowl games by a third, and introduce an eight team, three week playoff (with seedings based loosely on the current BCS ranking methodology, corrected to ensure that every team with a zero in the loss column at the end of the regular season gets into the playoff - and, on general principle, fuck Notre Dame), there will be improvement.

Will he make mistakes? Sure he will. Will people deride him as worthless from the moment of his first mistake? Sure they will. But these are people who thought it was a good idea to vote for Sarah Palin, so there’s clearly no reason to start taking them seriously anytime soon.

President Obama, do not be cowed by the kind of Republicans who torpedoed the presidency of Bill Clinton. These cheap, simple people think humans and dinosaurs roamed the earth at the same time. To acknowledge them is to encourage the feeble-minded never to improve their minds and get those neural synapses firing. Stand up and do the good work you talked about during the Neverending Campaign. We know you won’t keep every single campaign promise, but then again, no reasoned person expects you to. Some of us understand that running for President is practically nothing like actually being President. You have to say a lot of things on the campaign trail to pander to voters, most of whom are dolts. (Humans riding dinosaurs? Seriously?)

And even if you don’t get much done in four years, don’t worry. A precedent has been set. You can screw up completely, lie to the American people, send our troops to the desert to die for no good reason and with no exit strategy (coherent or otherwise) in place - and still manage to be re-elected. Just think how well you’ll do in 2012 if you actually do a few things right. (Hint: Filibuster-proof Senate, which will eliminate even the most obnoxious and onerous behavior of the obstructionist Republicans).

Best wishes and good luck, Mr. President. We’re counting on you - not to raise Lazarus from the dead, or turn water into wine...but rather to do unto others as you would have them do unto you.