Birds And Snakes And Aeroplanes...And People Riding Dinosaurs!

While I was setting up the grill in the backyard on Sunday, for Jackson’s birthday party, I called Steve to see if he wanted to swing by after work; and he told me that it was funny I had called because he had been planning to call me later that night, because he was planning the field trip to end all field trips for the following Tuesday - today - and he wanted to know if I wanted to go along.

Normally I have to work on Tuesday, but this week is odd because one of the other managers is on vacation this weekend, so some of us are working - or not working - unusual shifts; and Amy and Jackson went to Scranton with her parents today, so I pretty much have the run of the place for the next couple of weeks. So not only did I not have to work, I also didn’t have to worry about missing out on any time with the fam by going on this field trip.

Now...what exactly is the “field trip to end all field trips,” you ask? Well, friends and neighbors, we’re talking about a trip down to see the Creation Museum (website here and Wikipedia entry here), in Petersburg, Kentucky. Yeah...the Creation Museum - that monument to the idea that what’s in the Bible - particularly in Genesis - is both true and literal, the place where they have exhibits depicting humans and dinosaurs living on Earth at the same time, the place where they have a diorama of Noah’s Ark that has two dinosaurs going up the ramp to get onto the ark.

Steve cooked up the idea mostly for the hell of it: so his brother could report back to some co-workers on questions they had about the museum (and I wish I had thought to write some of those questions down when he was telling them to us on the way to the museum, because they were pretty funny - maybe Steve will comment below and note some, if he remembers them); and so his wife could enjoy the anthropological wonder of it all (as that’s what she’s studying in school); and because he considers himself a doubter and was curious about what he would see. I reckon he asked me along because he wanted to see if I would burst into flames immediately upon setting foot in the place. There was no Atheist Alarm at the door, though, so I was safe.

I was conflicted it about it, honestly. The idea of a road trip sounded cool, but the admission was way high ($21.95, plus tax) and the thought of spending my money at a place like that - which would be a de facto show of support - was a little nauseating. This place is basically a temple to the abortion of reason and critical thinking, a citadel of ignorance and selective interpretation - and now my admission dollars have helped to further that cause, to perpetuate the brain atrophy that these partially-evolved sub-humans claim is a valid belief system.

But yes...in the end, I handed over my money and took the tour. Part of it was sheer morbid curiosity, but mostly it was just to have a good time with some friends; and, I suppose that, if anyone ever tries to call me out for trashing the ultra-religious mouth-breathers who subscribe to this utter nonsense, I can say, “Oh, no, Mort, sorry...I have been to your Dumb of the Rock, and I have seen firsthand the overwhelming evidence that you ‘people’ believe what you want to believe and conveniently ignore what you have been told to ignore. That story about the lamb of your god so moved you that apparently you turned into an obedient little sheep who chooses to abdicate common sense in order to be ‘saved.’ You should consider donating to science whatever remains of your functioning brain and turning that empty space into a flip-top storage space so you’ll never forget your car keys again.”

And we took the tour. We spent about three hours there, I guess, including the walking tour, a badly written short film, lunch at Noah’s Café, and a short walk of part of the grounds to get to the petting zoo. The vast majority of the clientele was old and white, which is usually the case when you get into the realm of things that don’t make sense - ultra-religious matters, conservative thinking, and Republican politics, to name a few. Also the persistence of Matlock as a viable entertainment option.

Nothing really changed for me after going through the museum, though. I thought these people were lunatics going in, and I think the same thing now that I have survived a tour of their compound unscathed. I will say, though, that the museum is awfully well put together and has a good flow from the beginning of the narrative - concerning the “seven C’s of creation” - to the end (remember, of course, that the target demographic here is a group of people who are easily led, or manipulated, and who never question authority, even when that authority is blindingly, obviously wrong); and the exhibits are all bright and colorful and...I hesitate to use the word informative, simply because so much of the information is false and misleading - but the quasi-information they provide is pretty well presented. For the people whose neural synapses are so badly damaged or underperfoming that they actually go in for these lies, this place is probably heaven on Earth.

Did I learn anything? Well...I didn’t learn any actual facts; but I did learn a few things that these people think. To wit:

1. The reason that ice floats is because if it sank, it would kill all the fish.
2. Clothes came about because the original covering Adam used, a fig leaf, was insufficient to pay for sin. The wages of sin, therefore, is both death and a leather toga.
3. There were no carnivores before original sin, because in a “very good” creation, no animal would die. Also, there were no weeds in the perfect creation, because the Earth produced exactly the amount of vegetation needed to feed its inhabitants.
4. Adam ate of the tree of knowledge and died. I don’t remember it happening like this in the Bible, but this is what they say.
5. Inbreeding in biblical times was okay because there weren’t enough people in the world for the genetic mutations associated with inbreeding to take place. Since we’re all descendants of Adam and Eve, everyone who gets married is marrying a relative. This museum is located in Kentucky, remember.
6. Noah’s flood lasted for a year. I don’t remember this in the Bible, either. I remember reading something about forty days and forty nights. It’s sort of funny how these people insist that everything was created perfectly in six days, according to a literal translation of Genesis - but that they are okay with fudging the numbers on the flood. Not that any of their arguments hold water, you understand - but it makes one wonder how badly retarded a person must be not to be able to spot these contradictions and denounce them.
7. We may yet find a living dinosaur somewhere in a remote corner of the world.

When all was said and done, though, I had a pretty good time. I would never do it again, and I’d take a bullet in the head before exposing my child to this nonsense; but forewarned is forearmed, and now I don’t have to just believe that this is no place for a thinking person - I actually have the evidence. What a concept.

Photos from today's adventure here.