It's A Wonder That You Still Know How To Breathe

I made my way downtown to check out the Barack Obama rally this morning, and became completely immersed in the entire Obama experience - you betcha! It was held at the American Legion Mall, and you had to pass through security gates to get into the mall itself. The mall was already full by the time I got there, and I didn’t want to get into that much of a mosh pit anyway, so I just hung back in Obelisk Square and checked out the vendors and then listened to Obama’s speech.

The vendors were really something, all along the sidewalks up and down Meridian Street - handing out free turbans and selling copies of the Qur’an and pointing toward Mecca so we all knew which way to face when the future Sheikh took the stage and led us in our afternoon prayers. He showed a video detailing how he was going to turn the White House into a pyramid and then he passed around a big coffee can and we all threw our money into it and then the future Sheikh just started passing the money around to the people he thought needed it the most. At the end of the rally, he brought Jeremiah Wright up on stage and pledged to turn over the Presidency to the preacher - and Joe Biden broadcasting by satellite pledged to turn over the Vice Presidency to Bill Ayers, who took the stage just before Wright. After that, everyone lined up to pass through the purification tunnel before leaving, where they were encouraged to renounce Jesus and praise Allah.

It’s sad that I feel compelled to add this disclaimer at the end - but I do. It would be just my luck that some rural person would stumble into this blog by accident, while Googling Ted Nugent or trying to find a paperback copy of Mein Kampf on eBay, and then try to pass my jokes off as the truth, the way, and the light. If any such person does get here by accident - I was just joking; but in all seriousness, you should stay home on election day, because you’re way too fucking stupid to participate in democracy.