Okay, let me see if I understand this...no, let’s not start like that. One can’t attempt to see if one understands something if the thing in question is beyond all bounds of reasonable comprehension. Let me see if I’ve got this right...or correct, at any rate. Let me see if I’ve got these facts straight.
The University of Wyoming just opened an international center that they named after former Führer Dick Cheney? An international center? A place where people will go to learn how to work and play well with people in other countries, right? That’s what this place is. And they named it after Dick Cheney, so complete a disaster of a human being and politician that his own disaster of a party doesn’t even want much to do with him anymore - and he gets an international center named after him.
Surprise...some folks are less than thrilled with the idea.
That’s like naming an institute of humility for Oprah Winfrey or Jerry Seinfeld. A nutrition council for Ray Kroc. An anti-exploitation task force for Ty Pennington. A linguistics center for George Bush. It would make more sense to start a songwriting blog and name it after anyone in Collective Soul. Anybody want to get together and open a restaurant called Lecter’s? How about the Robert Montgomery Knight Finishing School for Young Gentlemen? Or, let’s get back to international centers. Can the next one be named for Lou Dobbs? What about the Sarah Palin Political Relevance Temple? (Actually, it would be more on the scale of a bungalow than a temple, and if a realtor were trying to move it, they would write it up as “cozy," with, ahem..."nice curb appeal.") Is anyone in Laramie currently thinking of starting a campaign to change Ann Coulter’s name to Glinda?
The Cheneys donated a little over three million dollars to the university, and no college is going to turn down a donation like that - hell, you could shave a few zeros off of that and still have a lot of trustees willing to traffic in boat people if it means getting your check; but there has to be some cognitive dissonance going on behind closed doors out there in the great wide open...right? Man...how do you top that? Seriously. Name José Canseco the new drug czar? Why don’t we start a new band called Original Software Ideas and get Bill Gates to sing lead?
You can be so cosmically awful at your job that you get your name on a place that concentrates on the thing you were worst at. I can almost hear the space-time continuum tearing open. Anything is possible now. I fully expect to hear on the news that James Brady met Ted Nugent at a Fuddrucker’s and shook his hand. Ralph Nader is going to go to the store for a gallon of milk and a pound of olive loaf, and he’s not going to wear his seat belt. The entire NFL season will go by without a New England Patriot faking an injury to get a legal Chris Webber timeout. The Indiana Hoosiers football team will be buying tickets to Pasadena. Geddy Lee’s gonna cut his hair. The Colts will blitz. Steve Jobs will put on a suit. If Kurt Cobain were still alive, he’d learn how to sing. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will say something that makes sense. Oh, the humanity.
The only thing more tasteless and retarded for the University of Wyoming to have done would have been to have the ribbon-cutting ceremony today, at 8:46am, with some douche from the university wearing an FDNY cap.
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