Wednesday, December 03, 2008

What's The Score? Nothing-Nothing. Who's Winning? (Pause, Then Sarcastically) The Bears.

2008, obviously, has been a year of Darwin-awful news out of the non-contiguous state of Alaska - but we have a change to report! There is finally a news item (sort of) out of Alaska about which it is acceptable to feel something other than incredible embarrassment.

For awhile now, the Indianapolis Zoo has been almost entirely bear-less, within the last two years having lost one of its polar bears and both of its Kodiak brown bears to that great hibernation station in the sky (or whatever post-death self-created mythology bears believe in so that they can feel better about having been born in the first place).

Today, however, the zoo once again has lions and tigers and bears - you betcha! They got two of those adorable brown bear cubs down there from the big energy state of Alaska, and that’s the kind of change that plain old average regular standard ordinary run-of-the-mill nondescript inconsequential patriotic Americanonians are hungry for out there in all of those great Americanized states that are just so wonderful and united and of course we just really owe all of that great uniting and Americaning to that great President Lincoln who just did such a great job of really unionizing all of these great states together into this amazing America that we have here today, and you know, that’s just really what it’s all aboat here in this great nation of ours in these Americas.

No, seriously, the zoo now has on exhibit two orphaned brown bear cubs from Alaska. They were orphaned when their mother was euthanized after attacking a jogger out there in all of those great wilds in the great state of...anyway, FedEx brought the little cubs down out of the wild, and now our zoo has bears again. Still no gorillas, but hey! Cincinnati’s not all that far, I guess. (Press release here - in PDF.)

1 comment:

Godfather Weilhammer said...

I like bears. And they're Alaskan Republican bears.