Deep Thoughts #344

Keith Olbermann used to have a bit called “Worst Person in the World.” But with Adolfs Musk and Trump both alive, how can you pick just one?

Deep Thoughts #343

The sun will supernova before all you Trumpy sister-fuckers cotton to the fact that your rapist savior has been lying to you the whole time.

Deep Thoughts #342

And of course, by severe consequences, Tangerine Rapist means that he will be running for President in Russia after we kick his fat ass out.

Deep Thoughts #341

It is so not surprising that monkeys who would vote for Donald Trump also provide most of whatever it is that Large Language Models “learn.”

619. DuClaw Brewing Co. (Ewing, NJ) - Sweet Baby Pumpkin!

“Nothing says fall is here like pumpkin spice lattes [sic] taking over every coffee shop in America. Now it’s taking over your favorite brewery too! The new addition to the ‘Sweet Baby’ family combines pumpkin spice flavor and notes of coffee in a smooth and creamy porter.”

(I’m not sure if this counts as a New Jersey beer or a Maryland beer, and I’m not going to waste your time with semantic quibbles. DuClaw [Rosedale, MD] was apparently acquired by River Horse [Ewing, NJ], but I’m not finding much in the way of useful information on either of their websites. I’m going with New Jersey, which makes it my first New Jersey beer and gets me to 32 states. If I have misapprehended the beer’s provenance, I will be glad to update the entry.)

Okay, and now that we have that shit out of the way, were we talking about a beer? Yes, we were; and there is some very nice pumpkin aroma on the nose, but everything else they are shooting for gets a little bit lost on the palate. I don’t really get much of any particular flavor, and the whole thing feels a little thin—even after it warms up.

618. Sun King (Indianapolis, IN) - State Fair Cotton Candy

“State Fair Cotton Candy balances the sweet summer flavors of Blue Cotton Candy with a crisp character in celebration of the Indiana State Fair.”

There’s a flavor there that might be cotton candy, but I can’t remember the last time I had cotton candy, so I can’t be sure. If it’s not cotton candy, then it’s something close that pushes the same basic nostalgia button. The flavor was moderately strong up front but didn’t linger much for me on the back end, and the beer was not at all sweet. The sessionable 4% ABV was just right for a sultry day at the state fair, and the lurid teal color made me feel like I was drinking something exotic and rare at Quark’s bar on Deep Space Nine. Not bad, but not nearly as good as the caramel corn ale from 2022.

Deep Thoughts #340

I’m somewhat shocked that Roger Penske said no to Republicans. I hope he sues the racist fucks until they bleed from their assholes and die.

616. Kismetic Beer Company (Indianapolis, IN) - Oatmeal Stout

“Stout, although one of my favorite styles to drink, is rarely on my brewing schedule. That is about to change. Inspired by a conversation with the team [at Fort George Brewing], we decided to do a series of stout and really explore what the style has to offer. This first offering is brewed with 2-row barley, Caramunich, Carafa Special 1 and 3, Midnight wheat, and rye. Hopped with Magnum and Hersbrucker. Mashed hot with an extended 2 hour boil. Aromas of toffee and dark fruits, with notes of coffee and chocolate. Rich and full on the palate, with sweet caramel and cocoa covered raisin notes balanced by a dry and roasty finish.”

I had a hard time making up my mind about this one. It doesn’t have the smooth mouthfeel up front that I have come to associate with oatmeal stouts, and the overall body of the beer is not as rich as same. But it’s growing on me. There are roasty chocolate malt elements and hints of dried fruit; and it does react well to being able to warm up and breathe a little bit. The style is perhaps not Ryan’s strong suit, but he still makes a pretty good one.

Deep Thoughts #339

Of course, all you Republicans are uninformed inbred shit. Go back to the barnyard and die before you pox the educated with your hell spawn.

Deep Thoughts #338

You aren’t a real American…you took steroids and fucked on tape…you are not at all American…you fucking Republican piece of uninformed shit.

Deep Thoughts #337

Hulk Hogan raped his own legacy when he endorsed Adolf Trump. Hogan was not a “Real American.” He was a puppet, like all modern Republicans.

Cinema Observations #7

A woman approached the concession stand and said, “Two for Batman.” The schlep with her said, “Superman.” She looked back and said, “Superman, Batman, they’re all the same.” The comic book geek in me died a little, but I did not decapitate her, even though she richly deserved it.

Deep Thoughts #336

Donald…go fuck yourself. J.D….go fuck yourself. Samuel, Clarence, Amy, Neil, Brett, and John…go fuck each other and then go fuck yourselves.

617. New Belgium Brewing Company (Fort Collins, CO) - Grape Fizz Ale

“Grape Fizz Ale first hits you with a pop of juicy grape candy aroma that will transport you straight to those nostalgic purple sodas from back in the day. Golden limes (aka Calamansi fruit) and golden sour ale provide a light tartness that’s balanced by sweet Concord grape juice for a crisp, crushable, effervescent finish and 5% ABV.”

Also, the can says that it’s colored with fruits and vegetables. This was part of a variety 12-pack that I picked up because I wanted to try something that isn’t an IPA for a change. The first one, out of the can, was too tart; but the second one, poured into a mug, was a little better. It’s still too tart, but maybe it can breathe a little more in a mug. I don’t know. I appreciate what they’re going for, but they don’t quite get there; the expression “sour grapes” is an expression for a reason. I’m not sure there’s a good way to go here. You want something like this to be crushable, but you also need it to lean more toward the sweet than the sour. In order to balance that sweetness, you need to raise the ABV; and if I were going to err in one direction or the other, that would be the way I’d go. A less sour version of this in the 7-8% ABV range would be spectacular.

Deep Thoughts #335

Now, who would guess that a right-wing misogynist with Donald Trump’s dick in his mouth would be a liar? Only any primate with half a brain.

Deep Thoughts #334

If the talking abortion and failed businessman you Retardlicans voted for told a story that wasn’t fictional—that would be some actual news.

Cinema Observations #6

The first group through the gates today was an asshole and the thirteen chimps he was pretending to supervise. He bought each of them a large popcorn and a large ICEE. Did they make an unholy fucking mess? Of course they did. That’s how inbreeds learn to Make America Great Again.

Deep Thoughts #333b

No, this isn’t a problem in the U.S. But Republicans will be all over it. They criminalize anything that isn’t blonde, blue-eyed, and Aryan.

Deep Thoughts #333a

Just have Adolf Trump threaten to deport screwworms—or increase their tariffs. That’s how unqualified Republicans attempt to solve problems.

615. New Holland Brewing Co. (Holland, MI) - The Poet

“Oats bring a creaminess and soft mouthfeel to the roast malt character in our classic oatmeal stout. The Poet is a perfect representation of balance and one of America’s leading oatmeal stouts.”

Yes, and when you have one of those days that makes you feel like you can do anything, you might, the night before on the way home from The Old Juke Joint, have bought a variety 12-pack of the same beers you took to the park for your son’s high school graduation party last month; and The Poet might have been the first one you opened when you went upstairs to work a little bit just now. It’s all a coincidence so far, but then you go back into the Scrivener project that contains a bunch of poems you have been working on; and you look at the most recent one, which also makes reference to the graduation party (and all that fancy sausage you bought at Claus’); and that’s the one you wanted to work on, because when you have good days like this you feel charitable, and expansive. It’s no longer a coincidence, of course, that this post is more of a prose poem than it is a blog post about beer. You don’t know exactly what turns prose into poetry, but sometimes poems speak to you; and sometimes it’s fun to try and write them. Sometimes an oatmeal stout is better than an IPA; this is one of those days.